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We Left Our Hearts in San Francisco! San Francisco Conference a Resounding Success
Thursday through Saturday, Trevor Southey presented a new and retrospective exhibition of paintings, etchings, and sculptures at the Gay and Lesbian Center, thus sharing with us his amazing artistic talent. During the conference, the hospitality suite in room 745 served as gathering and socializing place; it included a movie room where people watched Latter Days, Voices in Exile: Stories of Lesbian Mormons, and one of the presidential debates. For many, the conference started on Thursday rather than Friday, as a group of GLBT Mormons attended a Thursday evening performance of Beach Blanket Babylon at Club Fugasi. On Friday morning a group took a Walking Castro Tour with local tour guide Trevor Hailey. Historic sites included Harvey Milk's camera store, the Castro's first gay bar, Josie's Cabaret, and the Castro Theatre. The opening social was held at San Francisco's Gay and Lesbian Center, where James Kent displayed a retrospective of Affirmation conferences going all the way back to 1979. James Morris conducted a wonderful mixer in which the attendees formed a series of circles and did square dance moves called "grand right and left." He would say, "Stop," and then pose a question for each couple that paired up. It was a great way for us to meet a lot of people in a short period of time. After the mixer, Heidi Wohlwend used puppets, projected images, music, and song to tell us true and fictional stories of six generations of Mormon women in her genealogical tree. Heidi's play touched on issues of oppression, liberation, and interconnectedness.
On Saturday morning we enjoyed a remarkable lineup of presenters. Mary Ann Benson shared her thoughts on finding your own spiritual path. She explored spirituality and how it can fit GLBTI LDS outside the Mormon Church, including other church alternatives and how we can develop our own self-spirituality.  Listen to Mary Ann Benson's presentationKen Salzman explored "The Art of Romance," working around questions such as: Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you might like to advance to the next step? Is sex getting too routine? Is that possible? Has the spark gone to barely lit? Is the phrase "taking me for granted" been coming up lately when nothing else has? Guy Berryessa and Trey Lathe spoke about adoption through private agencies (which is how they adopted their own daughter). Panelists Juan Carlos Wallace and Brian Carr spoke about foster-adopt programs (having adopted twin sons that way). Panelists Brett Bradshaw and Jeff Jackanicz spoke about their experience adopting a daughter through surrogacy. There was also a discussion on donor insemination. Ernie Horstmanshoff explored gay male attitudes and perceptions that often lead to ambivalent or debilitating feelings towards sexuality. This workshop included a short survey enabling participants to anonymously compare self-views on sexuality. Marty Kokol presented a 10-stage theoretical model for those who seek to understand the steps involved in the process of coming out as a Latter-day Saint. He also spoke about the choices that await the "newborn" with regards to spiritual growth, religious commitment, and moral calling. Connell "Rocky" O'Donovan talked about our own Queer Mormon history. He brought lots of documents and ephemera for "show and tell" to highlight various parts of his presentations. Roxy Carmichael-Hart, president of TransGender San Francisco, led a panel of presenters that helped educate attendees on transgender issues. Affirmation is committed to be a safe and welcoming place for transgender Mormons, and this panel was a continuation of our work in raising awareness about transgender issues. With Rod Kempton we learned massage techniques that can be used to soothe the muscles, calm the emotions, and blend the hearts. Rod taught basic techniques which, along with pressure point identification, are the foundation of most massage methods. Trey Lathe and Guy Berryessa, the proud parents of little Emma, moderated a discussion on how to pass our faith stories on to our children. Panelists included Guy and Trey, Eric Ethington and Doug Okun, and Trevor Southey. Eric and Doug came into the spotlight last February when their picture appeared in Newsweek magazine and Deseret Book President Sheri Dew denounced them at an anti-gay rally. Issues of family dynamics were probed in a session conducted by Mitzi Henderson, former national PFLAG president (1992-1996). Sibling rivalry, money matters, unvoiced dreams and expectation, fear of other's reactions, isolation, and forced personal reassessment may all be challenges that emerge when a family member comes out. Listen to Mitzi Henderson's presentationLarry Mann explored the possible purposes for God's queer children. Larry's presentation was humorous, challenging, and provided a chance both to learn and to make friends. Trevor Southey talked about "the Unbidden Erotic In Art" and explored the area where the unconscious parts of our human experience--the spiritual, the intellectual, and the erotic--tend to blend. With the basic premise that the coming out process for Mormon women is profoundly different than Mormon men's experience, Alyson Bolles conducted a session on Affirmation and the lesbian experience. After the workshops, Gamofites (Gay Mormon Fathers) held their traditional luncheon, which included remarks by Doug Farr, a son of the late Michael Farr. Doug, who knew very little about his deceased father, attended the conference to rediscover his dad through his dad's Gamofite friends. The Michael Farr Award was established in 1997 to honor one member of Gamofites for outstanding achievement and service. Doug Farr presented this year's Michael Farr Award to Mike Green of Salt Lake City. Listen to Doug Farr's remarks & Gamofites Award presentationAnther group of Affirmation members had lunch with Steve Benson, Pulitzer Prize -winning political cartoonist with the Arizona Republic and grandson of former Mormon prophet, Ezra Taft Benson. Steve shared his journey of discovery and liberation through charm, wit, and the magic of his art.
The talented Robin Taylor, a musician, singer, and MC, helped with the Saturday evening entertainment. Michael and Sarah Lambert had spent many hours preparing 12 fabulous hats that were featured in a drag show we called "Beach Blanket Zion." Each hat represented an Affirmation chapter. Later that evening, Robyn shared a very moving and touching autobiography through music, including a song from Saturday's Warrior, "Paper Dream." After the banquet, the winners of the Affirmation Writing Awards Contest were announced. The judges were impressed by the quality of the winning entries, which are already posted on the Affirmation website. The first award went to Laurie Wood for her essay, "Beyond Disappointment and Duplicity: Finding My Identity as a Post-Modern Mormon Lesbian." A special service and achievement award went to Ron Schow and Mike Green for their remarkable contributions to our community. Ron and Mike have produced a series of three videos and two brochures to help educate the LDS community about homosexuality. The Paul Mortensen Award, for outstanding achievement and service to Affirmation, went this year to Mike Miner, from the Los Angeles chapter. "[Mike] has been involved in the National Affirmation organization for years," said presenter Ben Jarvis. "His service predates my days in Affirmation-and probably predates most of yours. He has served in every local capacity there is, and despite his personal health issues, he has always been willing to volunteer his time to make sure that things not only get done, but get done right." Other nominees were Jay Bell, James Morris, Aaron Vinck, and Hugo Salinas. James and Aaron were specially recognized as stalwarts of the San Francisco chapter, and a driving force behind the San Francisco conference. Our dear friend Jay Bell was remembered and acknowledged for his tremendous contribution in helping preserve gay Mormon history. This evening's keynote speaker, Kate Kendell, is the Executive Director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights. Kate, who grew up as Mormon in Utah, told us of her involvement with the historic events surrounding the decision by San Francisco City Mayor Gavin Newsom to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Said Kate, "If you are an adult with a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Queer identity, and you grew up in the midst of a repressive culture…, it means that you passed the most important test that we are on this earth to pass: Will we choose to live our lives with authenticity, and integrity, and without shame, and will we be fully who we are. And you did that." Kate encouraged us to step forward and tell our stories, to help put a face on discrimination, and to show the negative effects of hate and anti-gay legislation. Listen to Kate Kendell's remarksSunday Events The Sunday morning devotional will be remembered as one of the best Affirmation ever held. Ember Cook, who grew up in Idaho and Utah, was the first speaker. Ember is the daughter of Dwight, who, when she was ten, came out as a gay man. A few years later, her whole family got involved in a PBS documentary called Our House. Ember is currently in San Francisco and trying her hand as an intern for COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere). Listen to Ember Cook's remarksEmily Pearson, the daughter of Gerald and Carol Lynn Pearson and the ex-wife of Steven Fales, also spoke. Emily's father Gerald died of AIDS complications in 1984. Emily expressed how hard it was for her when her parents decided to get divorced. "I felt that I had to choice between my Heavenly Father and my Dad, and that choice made me crazy," she said. Emily received an ovation when she said, "My mother and I want to start an organization for the true protection of marriage, for the passage of a constitutional amendment banning marriage between gays and straights." Listen to Emily Pearson's remarksAlice Hoglan, who spent several years as an active LDS, shared touching memories of her gay son Mark Bingham. Mark was one of the passengers on 9-11 United Flight 93. Mark's plane crashed into a Pennsylvania field shortly after Mark and other passengers attempted to retake it from the terrorists. Listen to Alice Hoglan's remarksJohn Minagro, with piano accompaniment by Micah Bisson, sang "Love Changes Everything," from the musical Aspects of Love and "All I Did For Love," from the musical A Chorus Line. The congregation sang the Affirmation version of "Come, Come Ye Saints," and we closed the devotional by singing the Mormon favorite "God Be with You till We Meet Again." Listen to John Minagro's rendition of "Love Changes Everything"During the Sunday brunch buffet, next year's conference was announced. It will be held September 30 to October 2 in Denver. Olin Thomas announced his candidacy to serve another year as Affirmation's executive director. Thanks to the conference chairs, who spent so many days burning the candle at both ends: Chris Allen, Michael Lambert, Scott MacKay, James Morris, Aaron Vinck, and Pat Warnick. And thanks to an army of supporters and volunteers: Ivann Albanes, Dale Barton, Steve Benson, Guy Berryessa, Scott Braithwaite, Joyce Davis, Jason Firth, Don Harryman, Gary Hoffmann, Ian Hunter, James Kent, Sarah Lambert, Trey Lathe, Nephtali Stackhouse, and Doug Roth. God be with all of you till we meet again. 
For a longer report and more pictures, go to <www.affirmation.org/conference>.
by Olin Thomas It is with great pleasure that I announce my candidacy for a second term as Executive Director of Affirmation. It is with even greater pleasure that I can announce that my entire staff has agreed to serve an additional year as well, should I be elected. Alyson Bolles, James Morris, Hugo Salinas, and Mike Miner have served ably and cheerfully over the past year and I look forward to the opportunity to work with them for another year. I have felt that it is difficult to accomplish much in a single year with a far-flung volunteer organization such as Affirmation. If elected, I will work to complete the work which I began in my first term and will continue to look for ways to keep Affirmation a viable and vital organization well into the 21st century. I look forward to "Reaching New Heights" (the theme for our next Conference) with Affirmation in 2005 and invite you to continue the journey with us! Your vote of support will be greatly appreciated. Mormon Coalition Sends 900 Flowers to President Hinckley “LDS Church Can Be a Safe Space” By Jason Clark On October 1, a grassroots coalition of LDS members delivered more than 900 pink carnations to the office of President Gordon B. Hinckley. Concerned with the treatment of gays and lesbian in the Church, the coalition members organized the Safe Space Campaign. Kay and Ted Packard, the LDS parents of a gay son, participated in a press conference held at a flower shop in Sandy. Said Kay Packard, "I believe [the LDS Church] can be a beacon of hope for all people, a Church that opens its doors to all as a safe space, a tolerant and embracing place, where a homosexual member's options are not limited to eternal silence, repression, excommunication, or suicide." "God makes no mistakes in the creation of his children," added Packard. "All humans are endowed with both the desire and the right to form lasting, nurturing relationships built on honesty and love" (see Safe Space Declaration).
Duane Jennings, who also participated in the press conference, explained the meaning of the pink carnations: "The color pink has been embraced worldwide as a symbol of 'Safe Space,' a reminder of the prejudices and torture of the past, and a commitment to creating safe spaces for all of God's children to progress together as equals. We believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints represents the highest of the ideals of the Enlightenment as a society based firmly on mutual respect, tolerance, and equality. The Church we believe in embodies the safest of all spaces, built firmly on the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ" (see Safe Space Declaration). In 1999 Mac Madsen, the Mormon father of lesbian, prepared a petition that he sent to the general authorities of the Church. The online version of the petition was signed by some 180 people, who also raised funds to publish the petition in the Salt Lake Tribune.
It Will Be Held October September 30 - October 2, 2005 in Denver Plan ahead! Join Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons for the 2005 Annual Conference in Denver, Colorado--a visitor's jewel nestled at the feet of the majestic Rocky Mountains. Denver is one of the most accessible cities in the nation, being seated virtually in the middle of the country, and also with the #1 rated Public Transportation System in 2003. The meeting space will be at the Adams Mark Hotel, right in the middle of downtown Denver on the 1.5-mile foot mall on 16th Street. Free shuttles provided by RTD (Regional Transportation District) run frequently for easy access to dining. Make your plans now! And new for the 2005 conference, start contributing for your conference fees now, in advance! Visit <www.affirmation.org/conference> for more information and continuing updates. Announcements Dues Increased by $5.00 Effective January 1, 2005, the annual dues for Affirmation membership will change from $20 per year to $25. You may also elect to be a Sustaining Member at $50 a year. Student memberships will be $15 per year. There is not a "couples membership" available at this time. We ask all those who receive Affinity by email to please support Affirmation by becoming a member. These changes were approved at the annual meeting of the Council of Chapter Representatives on October 8 in San Francisco, as required by our Bylaws. Additional funds collected will be used to offset increasing costs due to inflation and to fund improvements to our website. If you have not renewed your membership recently, this is a good time to do so. Renewals and extensions will be honored at $20 per year for all applications postmarked by December 31. Send your name, address, and email address with payment to A.N.O., P.O. Box 6369, Long Beach, CA 90806. Thanks to all members for your support! Ballots Mailed The ballots are being mailed to all Affirmation members; you should expect to receive your ballot prior to Nov. 12. The ballots must be mailed back by Nov. 20. We are asking all Affirmation members to send your ballots, either to express support for Olin or to nominate a write-in candidate. If you are a dues-paying member and do not receive a ballot by Nov. 12, please at wot3  aol.com.
Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 46022 Los Angeles, CA 90046 National Phone Line: (323) 255-7251 To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters Executive Director: Olin Thomas AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving
Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY
is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee.
About AFFINITY and E-AFFINITY AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document. Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important mission. If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply
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