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Affinity
February/March 2008 |
Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons—Serving Gay & Lesbian Mormons and Their Family and Friends Since 1977
Affirmation Is Our Family
by Buckley Jeppson
Buckley Jeppson (left) with husband Mike Kessler
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This is the second in a series of articles featuring the voices of Affirmation. If you are interested in having your voice featured here, please contact Olin Thomas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/ex_dir.
I place tremendous value in diversity. It is the reason I moved to Washington DC nearly 20 years ago, and love the city more each day. It is also one of the reasons I love Affirmation so much. We have members from many countries, ethnic groups, sexual minority identities, and cultural backgrounds. Each person brings a rich dish to our huge pot-luck dinner and, if we are open to the variety of experiences, we leave the feast fuller than when we arrived. Throughout this wide diversity we share a connection, however tenuous, to the Mormon Church.
The value of this connection was emphasized by several non-Mormon speakers at the Affirmation Conference in Washington DC in October. While we all acknowledge that our various relationships with the Church are as complex and diverse as Affirmation’s own membership, the thread binding us all is a shared heritage that has helped define who we are and what we value. That thread keeps us knit together over time and distance.
One of the things our culture values most is family. Ironically, many of us have been either misunderstood or outright rejected by our biological families. I am inspired by the stories of those who have risen above that rejection and forged their own paths in their own unique ways. In reality, we have all filled the gap by finding and forming our own families. Affirmation is one of those families.
I was raised the oldest of five children in a fine, active LDS family. I spent my teenage years in Southern California, attending early-morning seminary, serving a mission in South America, marrying in the temple, and thoroughly enjoying my church family. The only difference I sensed in my identity was a voracious appetite for learning and a healthy skepticism for everything around me—qualities not shared by everyone. I worked hard on my mission, but I also subscribed to Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought at the same time. I read scriptures, but I also memorized works by Marxist Peruvian poets. That I might be gay never crossed my mind growing up. In fact, in those pre-Stonewall days I didn’t even know the meaning of the word gay. There was a guy in our high school class of several hundred who wore a bit of makeup and walked funny, but that certainly didn’t register with me. I remember reading an article in Time or Life about a raid on a “bar frequented by homosexual men,” which showed glaring black and white photos of poofy-haired men in fluffy angora sweaters being handcuffed and trying to cover their faces as they were led to police vans. I wondered what that was all about.
All our lives change with time, of course. Fast forward a few decades. I’m in my second bishopric and my wife of over 25 years—my best friend—and I are planning our separation and worrying how to discuss it with our 14-year-old daughter. I wasn’t sure I had the strength to bear that pain, but God blessed our family with peace and with the knowledge that He would watch over us and we would be okay. My tenuous reaching out to Affirmation members also helped me. A few years later, I had formed a strong new family. In 2004, after being together for seven years, my partner Mike and I traveled to Toronto to be legally married. Mike’s parents traveled from Florida to join us and act as our witnesses. My daughter and I have remained very close and she and her husband flew to Washington for our informal reception. We now have two perfect grandchildren. Life is good.
My own personal relationship with the Church has not always paralleled that of my relationship with God. As far as we can tell, I was the first openly out gay Mormon to be legally married to his partner of the same sex. Because we live in a city that values diversity, we have always been accepted as equals. Even when my stake leadership tested the limits of my tolerance of institutional duplicity and pig-headedness in a rather public drama, I was always accepted with open arms by members of my inner city ward. Every couple of weeks, when I feel the need to connect with My People, Mike and I quietly slip into the pews for sacrament meeting and sit amongst members from Spain, Togo, Ukraine, and Provo, and I partake of sacrament prepared and passed by “boyz from the ‘hood” with white shirts, ties, and Sunday trousers that sometimes sag half-way off their butts. It ain’t Salt Lake City, Bro, and I couldn’t be happier. These are my people.
Affirmation is also my people: diverse, messy, but big hearted. I’m happy to begin serving my sentence as Affirmation’s new membership secretary, following the able service of Aaron Vinck. I hope I am able to bring to the organization a renewed sense of the need to reach out even more to diverse constituencies who need us. As we move into our fourth decade, our mission is every bit as important as it was back in 1977. In order to accomplish our goals, we will need to constantly reaffirm the dignity of every GLBT person with a Mormon background. We are here to support those who are trying to cling to teachings they hold dear while at the same time acknowledge the pain inflicted on others who are disillusioned, angry, or broken. I value Affirmation and I want to embrace all those diverse souls and show, by example, that there is a place for all of us at the great Affirmation family feast. The meal won’t be nearly as rich if some stay away because we don’t feel at home. Affirmation is, above all, our family.
2012
March 10-11
Sunstone Symposium in Kirtland
March 18
Family Fellowship event in Provo
June 1-3
Utah Pride Festival
July 25-28
Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake City
October 19-21
Affirmation Conference in Seattle
Conference Hotel Offers Affordable Rates
by Carlos Mitchell, Conference Co-Chair
King Room at the Doubletree San Pedro |
Now's the time to start making your plans to attend the 2008 Affirmation Conference in Los Angeles, on October 10-12, 2008! Our host will be the Doubletree Hotel in San Pedro, CA. Rates are: $129 for single/double, $149 for triple/quad occupancy, $299 for suites. Add 14.05% in taxes.
To reserve, you can contact Doubletree Reservations at (310) 514-3344 (local) or toll-free at 1-800-222-TREE (8733). Please mention code GLM to receive the conference rates. Rooms will fill quickly, so don't hesitate, reserve early!
The hotel has great views of the Los Angeles Harbor and it is located near the Cabrillo Beach and Aquarium. There are restaurants and shops nearby to check out and enjoy. For more information on the hotel, visit: www.sanpedro.doubletree.com.
Now, for those who will be driving while in town, good news: Parking at the hotel is FREE! For those who will be using public transit, there are 3 bus lines within walking distance that can take to various destinations throughout the Los Angeles/Long Beach area.
Affirmation Members Invited to LA Event
Planning Meetings Will Be Held March 15-16
February 2008
Los Angeles is where Affirmation developed into a national organization almost thirty years ago, and the local chapter will host our conference this year in which we will celebrate our heritage. Over the weekend of March 15-16 the Executive Committee of Affirmation will be meeting in Long Beach, including a meeting with the Conference Planning Committee on March 16 from 2:00 to 4:00 PM at the home of Paul Mortensen, the father of Affirmation, and his partner Robert Jacob.
Anyone interested in participating in Affirmation leadership is welcome to visit with the executive committee to express their concerns and learn how to get more involved in a dynamic and developing organization. Everyone interested in making the conference a rewarding and enjoyable experience is welcome to attend the planning session on March 16.
For more information about the Executive Committee, contact Executive Director Olin Thomas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/ex_dir. or by phone at 703-864-5527. For information about the conference committee, contact the Los Angeles Chapter.
2007 Contributions Acknowledged, Letters Sent
Contributions help Affirmation—and are tax-deductable!
by Bruce Maughan, Affirmation Treasurer
Thank you again to those who contributed to Affirmation last year, whatever the amount. Those generous gifts are important to continuing the work of Affirmation.
Because Affirmation is a 501(c)(3) organization, contributions are tax-deductible for those who itemize. IRS regulations require that donors who give $250 or more at one time have a letter from Affirmation acknowledging their contribution before they claim the deduction. Those letters are prepared once a year, and were mailed in mid-January. In addition, Affirmation sends out acknowledgement letters to anyone who contributes $250 or more during the year.
If you should have received a letter and did not, or if you would like a written acknowledgement for a contribution of less than $250, please contact the treasurer by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/treasurer.
Dave Melson, James Morris, and Olin Thomas |
Gordon B. Hinckley (1910 – 2008)
A Statement by the Executive Committee of Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
January 31, 2008
Over the last 50 years, President Gordon B. Hinckley played a key role in the growth of the LDS Church and helped the Saints gain a greater sense of community worldwide. Sadly, gay and lesbian people continued to be excluded from that community. To his credit, President Hinckley promoted a discourse about same-sex sexuality softer than President Kimball’s dramatic condemnations, and he took the long overdue step of stating that marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic approach to “curing” homosexuality. But at the same time, President Hinckley was instrumental in campaigning against marriage equality, promoting a climate of fear and ignorance about gay and lesbian people, and denying same-sex households the right to be recognized as families.
On March 16, 2001, President Hinckley encouraged Latter-day Saints “to see that everyone who joins this Church is made welcome, is made to feel at home, [and] has friends in the Church.” Contrary to the spirit of this call, LDS leaders continue to speak of homosexuality as “an abominable sin,” eject gays and lesbians from the Church, and deny same-sex households a place among the Saints. It is Affirmation's hope that future church leaders might open their hearts and minds to the idea of truly making the church a safe and welcoming place for all of God's children.
Olin Thomas, Dave Melson, and James Morris
Executive Committee
Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
Affirmation Sends Letter to President Monson
“We would like to open a dialog with you”
Here's the text of a letter that the Executive Committee of Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons sent on February 6, 2008, to newly ordained Church President Thomas S. Monson:
Dear President Monson:
Please allow us to extend our deepest and most sincere sympathies upon the passing of President Gordon B. Hinckley. Our prayers go out to his family and to you and the other leaders who must guide the Church during this difficult time.
In addition, we extend to you an olive branch, a symbol of peace. We appreciate that the next several days and weeks will be extraordinarily busy for you, but when you are able, we would like to open a dialog with you to work together to find better ways to counsel and to support those Church members who are homosexual, as well as their family members and their Priesthood leaders. We believe that by working together this can be done in a manner consistent with Church doctrine and the teachings of the Savior. Although there are many areas of hurt and disagreement that have separated us, there are many more areas on which we can find agreement and, in so doing, become a blessing in the lives of many of the Saints, both straight and gay.
We hope that you might be moved to give serious and prayerful consideration to this invitation, and that you might do so in the spirit in which it is offered. Although the Church and Affirmation have had their differences in the past, and will probably continue to have differences in a few areas for some time to come, by seeking areas of agreement, we believe that all of us can better get on with the work of becoming more like the Savior and serving our fellow man. We look forward to your response.
Sincerely,
W. Olin Thomas III,
Executive Director
David W. Melson,
Assistant Executive Director
James Morris,
Assistant Executive Director
New Book Describes the GLBT Experience in the Community of Christ
Homosexual Saints: The Community of Christ Experience
Members of Community of Christ (formerly the RLDS church) have polarized opinions concerning the status of their fellow members who are homosexual. The two major issues are priesthood ordination (in a predominantly lay church) and whether the church will marry and bless same-sex weddings.
Homosexual Saints explores these issues with twenty-four narratives that explain the experience of gay and lesbian members of Community of Christ, as well as the experiences of their family members and supporters.
The volume includes a detailed history of the status of homosexuals in the church since 1954, and a preface by celebrated Mormon historian D. Michael Quinn.
To purchase this book o read a sample chapter, visit www.johnwhitmerbooks.com
William D. Russell, J.D., recently retired as professor and chair of the Division of Social Science at Graceland University, Lamoni, Iowa. He is a former president of both the John Whitmer Historical Association and the Mormon History Association.
Russell has published articles and reviews in the various Mormon studies journals and has three books in process: one is Homosexual Saints: The Community of Christ Experience; the other two are on the recent (1980s) schism in the RLDS Church and the 1989 cult murders in Kirtland, Ohio. He also serves as book review editor for the John Whitmer Historical Association Journal.
Roman Feeser
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New Play Focuses on Gay Mormon Suicide
“Missa Solemnis” to Be Staged in New York at the End of February
by Hugo Salinas
Roman Feeser, a playwright living in New York City, is the author of Missa Solemnis or The Play About Henry. Four years in the making, Missa Solemnis is based on the story of Stuart Matis, a gay Mormon young man who committed suicide on the steps of his stake center in Los Altos, California, in 2000.
Missa Solemnis will be staged in New York City at the Manhattan Repertory Theatre on February 27, February 29, and March 1, 2008. All shows are at 9 PM. Space is very limited in the 44-seat theater, and the shows are going to sell out. For reservations, call 646-329-6588. For more information, visit www.theplayabouthenry.com.
In the following interview, I ask Roman about his life and his new play.
Do you have a Mormon background? What’s your connection with Mormonism?
No. I didn't even know what Mormonism was before I started this journey. I was researching gay suicide for my first play The Closet Contender and I accidentally stumbled across the Affirmations website. I asked my writing partner Brett here in New York City if he knew about Mormons and he said, “I'm Mormon!” and I thought this was fate.
How did you pick the topic for your play?
I read the Newsweek article written by Mark Miller about Stuart and the last sentence said, “The people who had prepared his body for burial were struck by the site of his knees, calloused from praying for an answer that never came.” and I thought, “Who prays that hard today?” From that point on I heard his voice—Henry Stuart Matis wanted his voice to be heard.
Why did you subtitle your play, “The Play about Henry” and not “The Play about Stuart”?
Out of respect. I didn't know him personally, only in spirit. People close to Henry called him Stuart. Stuart was a man who couldn't come terms with his trial. If you read some of his writings you'll find he was an extremely intelligent man. Henry, had he lived, would have been the man to live comfortably in his skin.
Three of the characters in your play (Marilyn Matis, Fred Matis, and Robert Rees) are based on real people, and you quote from their writings. Did you try to contact any of them for this project?
I did. I was able to track down Robert Rees and interview him. The Matis family was impossible to get near. As I understand the media really did a number on them and they're not so willing to talk. I don't blame them. They lost a son. Some people I met along the way volunteered to get in touch with them for me including Ryan Shattuck, Henry's cousin. But I was unsuccessful. I wanted to really give everyone a chance to give their side of the story. I wanted to put up the most honest story I could. Luckily both Fred and Marilyn wrote an essay in the book In Quiet Desperation, telling their side. It helped.
How did you research your topic?
One of my dear friends Justin has been a huge help. He grew up in Salt Lake and has been recently excommunicated himself. As I began to research Mormonism, I decided to take a sabbatical and make Salt Lake my second home. I wanted to live with Mormons, break bread with them. I wanted to know EVERYTHING I could. I interviewed David Pruden of Evergreen and with much convincing, he allowed me to attend an Evergreen Conference. I took classes and asked many questions. I spent time with the New York City Chapter of Affirmation and interviewed them. I spoke with closeted gay Mormons who are living in fear and out and proud Mormons who have learned to balance. The process was so cathartic that I decided to write a book called Latter Gay Saints - The Mormon Church and God's Second Class Saints, detailing my experience in this journey along with the stories of others. I'm finishing it now.
I liked the scene in which Henry, in his garments, teaches his lover the Mormon mechanics of praying. How was the process of writing that scene?
I'm a former Catholic. There were no steps to praying. You knelt, you closed your eyes and you said your prayers. The Mormon religion is very structured and regimented. When I discovered that praying was too, I felt it needed to be addressed. That scene was a reflection from my own life. I dated a Mormon and we went through the same thing.
In Affirmation we advise gay or questioning youth to talk with someone they trust about their feelings. Stuart Matis talked with a number of people about his feelings and his frustrations (parents, relatives, compassionate priesthood leaders) and he even made gay friends—yet none of these things saved him. Why do you think he killed himself?
The catalyst has never revealed itself. The reasons why are one of the biggest pieces missing from this puzzle. I was not privy to the information that caused Henry to go through with his suicide. This is the only part of this play where I had to take artistic liberty. From Henry's writing, he seems extremely rational. I have never read anything written by him where he feels sorry for himself. His attitude was more, “This is who I am! And these are the circumstances!” I seriously believe he made a conscious decision in doing this—to make a point. He wanted to be an example. It is not typical suicidal behavior.
Did you have a chance to see the staging of Carol Lynn Pearson’s Facing East? If so, what did you think of her play? How would you say it compares to yours?
Yes. I did see it when it came through NYC. When her show opened in Salt Lake I began getting emails from people saying, “Your show's opening, congratulations!” and I'd reply, “No, it's not mine, but go see it!” Anything to get the message out to people about the epidemic that is happening among gay and lesbian Mormons. Her show was pretty incredible. It captured the raw emotion of people when all is said and done. It challenges regret. Missa Solemnis is sort of a prequel to Facing East. Missa deals with the true nature of the struggle from the source. We get to see the gay Mormon go through the motions. We can stand up and say “Wait, isn't anyone going to do anything about this?” before it's too late. Sadly, for many, it is.
Are you planning to take Missa Solemnis to Salt Lake or other cities?
My director, Linda S. Nelson, is a non-Mormon from Salt Lake and she is pretty dedicated to getting the show there. I am totally open to the idea of playing Salt Lake because Mormon families that are dealing with a son or daughter, a sister or brother that are gay might see this and a light might go on. That's what it's all about, isn’t it? Getting closer to the Light?
In your previous play, The Closet Contender, the protagonist is also gay, and he also kills himself at the end of the play. Are you going to write some day about a gay hero who finds ways to cope with life’s challenges and survive?
I'm sure I will. But I look at Henry Stuart Matis as a survivor. He has survived in our thoughts and in his legacy. He didn't want change—he demanded it. We wouldn't be here talking right now if he wasn't.
“Remembering Brad” Available Online
Signature Books has just announced that the 1995 title Remembering Brad: On the Loss of a Son to AIDS is now available online.
Remembering Brad is the story of Brad Schow, a young gay LDS man who lived in California and then returned to Idaho where he was born and raised—tragically to die of AIDS. It is, unfortunately, a story that is not uncommon.
In writing about his son, author H. Wayne Schow reveals his own journey of sorting things out. This is a biography not only of Brad but of those whose lives he touched. It is a meditation on what it is to be ostracized or marginalized.
To read Remembering Brad, visit www.signaturebookslibrary.org/brad/bradpro.htm.
Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
P.O. Box 46022
Los Angeles, CA 90046
National Phone Line: (661) 367-2421
To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters
Executive Director: Olin Thomas
Senior Assistant Director: Dave Melson
Assistant Director: James Morris
Associate Director & Affinity Editor: Hugo Salinas www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity
Send Us Your Submission!
AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving
Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY
is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee.
Submissions are welcome and should be limited to 250 words. To contact us, visit www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, national committee or publisher, but rather
the individual writers. The Editor reserves the right to edit any material
deemed offensive, libelous, grammatically incorrect or lengthy.
About AFFINITY
AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document.
Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become
a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important
mission.
If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply send a request to Hugo Salinas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. If you are a dues-paying member and do not have Internet
access, you may request a printed version that will be sent to you by
mail.
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