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“I have discovered that being gay is a massive blessing in my life – not only for myself, but also for those around me” by Micah Bisson This is the fourth in a series of articles featuring the voices of Affirmation. If you are interested in having your voice featured here, please contact Olin Thomas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/ex_dir. Somehow, I’ve always known that I was different from others growing up in the church. I was baptized when I was 8 years old. Throughout school, I wouldn’t look at the girls like my peers did. I can remember the feelings as early on as 6th grade, but didn’t do about with it then. My biological parents separated when I was less than 2 years old, so adding the gay element to the existing issues wasn’t a very good idea. I thought the best thing I could do was educate myself on the topic. The internet didn’t exist as we know it today, so resources about being gay were not as readily available. Early on I relied on the public library system to try to educate myself on sexuality. Fortunately the local library system would allow you to reserve a book, and they would mail it to you in a plain-white envelope, and you could return it in person in a drop-slot. After learning I wasn’t the only one who as attracted to other guys, it turned into how to deal with this within the church, which only supported opposite-sex pairings. The only answer I could come up with was: concealment. I dived into church by way of music as early as age 9, serving as president of deacon’s and teacher’s quorum, and just not mentioning it to anyone. In 1994, my family moved to Denver, Colorado due to a job transfer. Well, it wasn’t exactly Denver – Enter Elizabeth, Colorado: 50 miles south-east of Denver’s city/county line. 2,500 people in the town limits, about 400 students in the entire high school. Our class, at 140 or so was the largest that school had seen to-date. Half the vehicles in the parking lot were pickup trucks, owned by a variety of rural cowboy-type boys, whose primary interests included football, hunting, and girls. Surely no little queer was going to be welcome here. Elizabeth was (and still is) anything but liberal. I felt stranded, isolated, and very alone. I hated myself for being gay, and there was nothing I could do about it. At the time, America Online was providing their way of getting online, so I found a way to subscribe. This was in the days of AOL version 2.0. The World-Wide Web was not an option, but at least I had a resource to learn more about being gay. This was extraordinarily helpful, since I now had an outlet to the gay community, despite it being the AOL-version of the gay community. This began my double life I would lead for a few years to come. I didn’t start driving until I was 18, so then I finally made it into Denver. I visited the local GLBT community center, including Rainbow Alley, a drop-in center for youth 24 and younger. I found some degree of acceptance there but a severe lack of understanding of what it meant to be a gay Mormon. I didn’t return because I was looking for ways to deal with my spirituality and sexuality, which they couldn’t fully help me with. Church leaders pressured me to go on a mission. I knew enough about my orientation that spending 2 years with another guy my age would probably not be the best situation, so instead I joined the US Army. I went in as a piano player, and spent the next 2 years doing so. It also helped avoid the mission call. While I was active duty, I took a huge risk and went to my first gay bar with another active-duty soldier (who was also gay). By that time, I had accepted that I was gay and my time in the military was not going to last. I got out of the Army and stayed in the VA Beach area, kind of as a test-run of being out. I was still attending church, though. I would go out on Friday and Saturday nights, getting in somewhere around 2 AM. Sunday mornings I still played the organ for sacrament meeting. Leading this double life was really starting to take its toll on me. While I did not find support for being gay and Mormon, I did find the support from the few people I chose to reveal my secret to, which was enough at the time. One evening, I remember the branch president stating at a fireside that if “we [the attendees] left the branch and we were not married, they [the branch leadership] had not done their job.” I was really put off by this attitude, and knowing they weren’t going to marry me to the really cute singing boy in the branch, I knew this wasn’t for me. A few months later, I packed up back to Colorado. I was a changed individual after getting back. I had been out and liked it. I wasn’t thrilled about returning to church, but did anyway. The year 2002 was pivotal for me. A few months after returning to Colorado, I came out to my mom. She was the one to ask me, and I waited until she did so, because I know she’d be as ready to hear the answer “yes” as she ever would. She had a tough time at first, but got better with the idea over time. Sometime in the spring, I placed my first call to the Affirmation hotline. Ben Jarvis was the first person I could really talk to about being gay and Mormon because he actually got it! He encouraged me to attend Affirmation’s annual conference, where I could meet others like me. After a few subsequent calls, I knew I had to. Later than summer, I went to Rock Springs, WY to perform in a summer stock musical theatre group. This is the point that I made the conscious choice to stop attending church. I think it was harder for my parents than it was for me – I had left mentally long ago, especially with the self-acceptance of my homosexuality. It kind of solidified the whole deal, and made it more of a reality. By that time, though, my parents were doing better, and helped me through it. That summer I had the opportunity to visit Salt Lake City for the first time. Growing up, my family regularly watched Music and the Spoken Word. I had always been fascinated with the Tabernacle Organ, and it was a life dream to see that organ and play it some day. I had written numerous letters to one of the organists there, and was denied each time I wrote in. I finally traveled on a weekend I had off from the musical group, and I went to the Tabernacle for the first time on July 14th, 2002. I spoke to the organist performing the daily recitals. That afternoon, she invited me back, and at 2:14 PM, got to sit at the console of the massive Tabernacle Organ and played two numbers. I totally fulfilled a life dream there – a true miracle in my eyes. I was on top of the world, and even writing this article, I distinctly recall that elated feeling. The thing is, I had consciously made the decision to leave the church – yet I was still blessed with this amazing opportunity. I knew for absolute certainty that I was still able to receive blessings despite my decision to leave the church. Through some encouragement from a friend in San Francisco, I made plans to go to Las Vegas, NV for my first Affirmation conference. My friend had attended his first conference the year prior, and suggested that I attend with him this year. I remember feeling like, “these are my people … this is where I belong.” I can say with absolute certainty and truth. Since then, I have tried to get as involved with Affirmation as possible. I am happy to have served as the Denver Chapter Director since 2004, invited Affirmation to Denver for the annual conference in 2005, and I am now thrilled to be serving as the Youth committee chair this year. San Pedro will be my 7th consecutive conference. I make every effort to attend them all. I have discovered that being gay is a massive blessing in my life – not only for myself, but also for those around me. It has been a tool for co-workers, friends and other acquaintances to learn that those around them are not what they expect, and that not all gays are like Jack McFarland (Will & Grace) or Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk). Many churches and denominations have made very affirming statements that they accept all God’s children in full fellowship regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Unfortunately, the LDS Church does not make such statements. We are here for people like who I was in 2001/2002. The church’s anti-gay statements and actions have only increased Affirmation’s need to exist. Many gay Mormons have come into our fold at some point in time, and Affirmation has served a critical role for many of us. I think that Affirmation is just as important to those who are not actively participating in Affirmation meetings as it is to those who attend regularly. We are here for those who are not ready to come out for fear of being cut off, denied blessings, or kicked out of their family’s home. In 2008, Affirmation is positioning itself to be there for those who are rejected from the Mormon Mold, and need help and support. I invite anyone who is feeling outcast, left out or abandoned by the church or their family to reach out to Affirmation. You will find warmth and love in our fold, just the way that you are created – a gay child of God.
One of the purposes of Affirmation is to work for the acceptance of gays and lesbians as full, equal and worthy members of the Church Dear Affirmation Members and Friends: The Executive Committee of Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons recently sent a letter to President Thomas S. Monson of the LDS Church asking for a meeting to discuss the church’s treatment of gay members. Many, both within Affirmation and without, have asked why we are doing this and what we hope to accomplish. Affirmation’s membership consists of LGBT Mormons, their friends, and their families throughout the world, and we are the oldest, largest, and most well established support and advocacy organization for gay Mormons. With that comes a responsibility for leadership. We have gay members who have been irreparably harmed by the LDS Church, we have gay members who are active in the Church and who wish to remain that way, and we have everything in between. Affirmation's Charter makes clear that one of the purposes for our existence is to work for the acceptance of gays and lesbians as full, equal and worthy members of the Church. The Executive Committee is fully aware that not all Affirmation members desire this for themselves, but some do. In recent years, the Church has taken some awkward steps towards being less harsh in its treatment of gay members. These efforts have often not been effective, but the attempts themselves indicate that Church officials realize there is a problem. With a change in Church leadership this winter, the time seemed right to seek a conversation. In our letter, the leadership of Affirmation asked for a dialogue without recriminations for past deeds on either side. This was to be about the future. Much to our surprise, the Church accepted. At the direction of the First Presidency, we will be meeting with the current and the former Directors of LDS Family Services. The fact that this was directed from the top down makes it a historic first. When the Church does something that is hurtful to gay Mormons or to gay people anywhere, we feel that it is our duty to hold them accountable, and we intend to. But, on the other hand, if we can suggest changes in training for Priesthood leaders, or try to persuade them to stop spending millions of tithing dollars on anti-gay political activity, then we should speak up also. If we can reduce the level of fear that gay and non-gay Church members have for each other, then we will have made a difference. If our efforts can prevent one more suicide, prevent one more teenager from being thrown onto the street by his or her “loving” Mormon family, prevent one more BYU student from being expelled for holding hands with the wrong person, then we will have made a difference and the efforts will have been worthwhile. Our mission is to extend a hand of cooperation, have a substantive conversation, and take the first step on a long journey. We do not have any illusions of immediately changing doctrine. Will the Church someday accept gay men and women in full fellowship? Absolutely — one day. We are children of loving Heavenly Parents who have blessed us with the amazing gift of being gay and we will have our place in the kingdom. In the meantime, if we can reduce some of the hate and the fear in the world, then that is a good first step. Throughout the history of the Church, most revelation has been received only after some incident or series of events provoked the potential recipient to question the status quo and then to seek the true answer. Revelation, like a journey of a thousand miles, comes only after the first step. Olin Thomas, Dave Melson, and James Morris The Executive Committee of Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons Send us stories, both positive and negative, about your interactions with Church leaders or LDS Family Services by Olin Thomas, Executive Director The Executive Committee invites Affirmation members and others to send us stories, both positive and negative, about their interactions with Church leaders (bishops, stake presidents, or higher) or LDS Family (Social) Services. We are especially interested in those interactions that happened in the last five to ten years. For those who have been referred to counseling and/or Evergreen by Social Services, we want to know if the counselors & Evergreen were helpful or not, whether the counselors were ethical or not, if they achieved what they claimed they would achieve, and whether they created realistic expectations or rather made unrealistic promises such as stating that through prayer and obedience people can overcome their “same-sex attraction” and/or change their orientation. If your story has been published already, refer us to it (even if it was published by Affirmation). We are interested in advice Church officials gave not only you, but your family as well. Our goal is to illustrate ineffective or hurtful counseling within the Church, and maybe even find some helpful examples. Also, send us your ideas about what points to make at the meeting in August. Tell us what approach you see as being consistent with our mission. We want to understand the range of positions within our community. Please send your input by email to http://www.affirmation.org/contact/ex_com or by mail to our DC post office box: P.O. Box 77504
May 31 Is the Deadline to Register at the Best Price by Paul Mortensen You are invited to join us in beautiful sunny southern California for the best ever Affirmation annual conference to be held at the Doubletree Hotel San Pedro in Los Angeles on October 10-12, 2008. We in Los Angeles are very excited to host this event and promise you a great conference and a great time in LA. The San Pedro Doubletree Hotel is in the harbor area of Los Angeles right on the water’s edge. We usually have a beautiful “Indian Summer” going on in October so you can plan on great outdoor activities at the hotel pool, the beach, or the many attractions in San Pedro and the Los Angeles area. But as always, the best part of an Affirmation Conference is the wonderful opportunity to visit with and socialize with your GLBT sisters and brothers from across the country and indeed the world. It is always a great family reunion. The theme of the conference is “A Pearl of Great Price” and we are planning a conference that will be a pearl of great price for you. Also 2008 is the 30th anniversary of the Los Angeles Chapter and a pearl is the 30th anniversary symbol. Register by May 31st for Best Price Now is the time to make your plans and send in your registration. The best rates are available right now and begin to go up on June 1st. Now is the time to make your hotel room reservations as the best rooms are now available. Best to get your airfares right now as they are going up fast with escalating fees and fuel costs. Don’t put it off! Decide today that you are going to this conference! Make your plans now! Details for completing the registration form and mailing it in are on the back of the form. Also details on making your hotel reservations are on the back of the form.
We are planning some new and different events. Friday night will feature the popular Sister Connie Lindquist and primary songs around the piano. Some great workshops are planned for Saturday. Saturday will also have events for Gamofites and Women’s groups. Saturday evening will feature a surprise keynote speaker and comedy fun by a top gay entertainment group. Sunday will feature a traditional devotional followed by a great brunch. The devotional will feature a “memorial wall” that you have created throughout the weekend. An optional tour is planned Sunday afternoon to the Queen Mary in Long Beach. And we plan to include plenty of free time for you to enjoy the LA attractions. Since many people will have cars at the conference you can certainly find a way to the gay and lesbian nightlife in nearby Long Beach. For more details about the conference go to www.affirmation.org/conference. As events are planned and speakers and entertainment are secured, the information will be posted at the website. Registration forms are also available at the website. Details Will Be Sent to You Before the conference, details about the hotel and a map to get there will be sent to you. We will also send you details and times of conference events. You will also get info on what to bring (clothes, etc.) and a detail list of things to do in San Pedro and Long Beach. Transportation Details One note about getting around in Los Angeles. This is an automobile town. Public transportation is not good—especially from the airports to this hotel. At this conference you may want to consider renting a car. A weekend car rental will be about the same amount as shuttle or taxi costs to and from the airport and the parking at the hotel is free. You may want to team up with others coming to the conference and rent a car together. We have made arrangements with Avis Car Rental for special rates. Just call 1-800-331-1600 and use Avis Discount Number G028018. Hotel Reservations Your conference registration does not include hotel lodging. By staying in the conference hotel you not only are at the center of all the conference action, but you also help to defer the cost of the conference meeting facilities. You must make your own hotel reservations. Please make them with the Doubletree Hotel San Pedro by calling the hotel at 1-800-222-8733 or 310-514-3344 and asking for the GLM rate. Affirmation has negotiated a great room rate of only $129 (plus tax) per night for single or double, $149 for triple or quad. This rate is only guaranteed for reservations made by September 10th. Send in Your Registration Form Today! Please remember the conference rates go up on June 1st and again on September 3rd. Remember the best hotel rates are not available after September 10th. Start checking out and making your air travel arrangements now. We want to see you in Los Angeles in October!
This year’s awards will recognize letters to the editor and opinion editorials by Larry Mann, 2008 AWA Contest Coordinator “My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, uptight families from the time he was in the first grade. . . . If you want to tout your own morality, you’d best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you.” Recognize these lines? They are excerpts from a now famous letter written by Sharon Underwood and published in the Valley News (White River Junction, VT) in April 2000. From there, the letter began to be republished in newspapers, magazines, and blogs all over the globe. Here’s how The Advocate magazine (June 2000) summarized the influence of Sharon Underwood’s letter: Point by point Underwood disposed of every homophobic myth—beginning with the idea that sexual orientation is chosen—and she struck a gigantic chord. Two other New England papers immediately reprinted her article. Then someone E-mailed it to author and Democratic National Committee treasurer Andrew Tobias, and he posted it on his Web site. The headline read: “The Best Thing I've Read All Year.” Gay activist Larry Kramer E-mailed it to dozens of friends, including playwright Arthur Laurents, and each of them E-mailed it to dozens more. Tobias also listed an E-mail address for Underwood, and within three weeks she had received 1,000 E-mails—every one of them favorable.This is exactly what the NEW Affirmation Writing Contest is all about: we’re looking for your published letters to editors of newspapers and magazines – something you’ve written with passion and pride that raises awareness, stimulates thought, and promotes the values of Affirmation. For samples of letters which do exactly that, visit www.affirmation.org/awa/samples.shtml. If you’ve already written a published letter, you’re nearly a winner already. If you haven’t had a letter to the editor published, write one now! You’ve got until September 1, 2008; this year’s winners will be honored with cash prizes, honors, and recognition in October at our next annual Affirmation Conference—including a $500 First Place. Winners do not need to be present to win. For more information, see the contest rules at www.affirmation.org/awa.
“Milk” scheduled to be released in November 2008 Dustin Lance Black is the talented filmmaker and writer behind the script of Milk, the story of California's first openly gay elected official, Harvey Milk. Lance Black grew up in San Antonio, Texas, surrounded by military bases. “I had my first crushes on a boy neighbor when I was like six, seven. I knew what was going on, I knew I liked him, but what Texas did and what the culture of growing up Mormon, growing up military [reinforced], was, the very second thought I had, ‘I really like that boy, and it’s not just as a friend,’ the very second thought was, ‘I’m sick, I’m wrong, I’m going to hell. And if I ever admit it, I’ll be hurt, and I’ll be brought down.’” Black eventually embraced his homosexuality and, as a gay man coming from a Mormon background, became one of the staff writers for the HBO series Big Love, which is set in Salt Lake City and explores the life of a Mormon polygamous family. In the 1990s Black first saw Rob Epstein’s Oscar-winning documentary, The Times of Harvey Milk. “In college, when I first saw a copy of the documentary, I remember just breaking down into tears. I thought, ‘I just want to do something with this, why hasn’t someone done something with this?’” Milk is currently in post-production and is scheduled to be released in November 2008. Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 46022 Los Angeles, CA 90046 National Phone Line: (661) 367-2421 To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters Executive Director: Olin Thomas Senior Assistant Director: Dave Melson Assistant Director: James Morris Associate Director & Affinity Editor: Hugo Salinas www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity Send Us Your Submission! AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee. Submissions are welcome and should be limited to 250 words. To contact us, visit www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, national committee or publisher, but rather the individual writers. The Editor reserves the right to edit any material deemed offensive, libelous, grammatically incorrect or lengthy. About AFFINITY AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document. Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important mission. If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply send a request to Hugo Salinas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. If you are a dues-paying member and do not have Internet access, you may request a printed version that will be sent to you by mail. |
1996-2008 Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
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