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Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons—Serving Gay & Lesbian Mormons and Their Family and Friends Since 1977
David Melson
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Editorial: Pride
Stand up, come out, and be proud of who you are, and then stand up for someone else who needs you.
by David Melson, Executive Director
June is Pride Month. A few years ago it used to be called Gay Pride Month. Forty years ago this month, it was called a riot.
For as long as anyone could remember, gay and lesbian people stayed in the background. There was no talk about being gay. Someone might be referred to as a “confirmed bachelor,” or “like that,” but that was about it. In most states, one could be thrown in jail or committed to a mental hospital for being homosexual, and no one gave it a second thought.
The significance of Stonewall is that it was the first time in the United States that homosexual men and women stood up and said, “No! Not anymore. We will not be jailed or beaten because of who we are. We will not hide in the shadows, we will be proud of who we are. Those muggy June nights outside of the Stonewall Inn are why we are able to celebrate Pride.
For years, gay, lesbian, and transgender Mormons have stayed in the background. Just as Stonewall was a reveille call for the gay community, California’s Proposition 8 has been our Stonewall.
We have danced around the issues too much. The battle against marriage equality and against LGBTI civil rights, through countless initiatives and propositions, from Hawaii in 1996 through the battles over Proposition 8 last month, have been largely orchestrated and financed by the LDS Church and its members. To say that the actions of this church – among all churches – are hypocritical is an understatement.
The Savior taught us to find peaceful ways of resolving differences, but He also was not afraid to cause a ruckus when the money changers threatened the sanctity of the temple. He taught us to stand up for the rights of the persecuted and oppressed, to not shun the fight, and to be willing to sacrifice all for righteous principles. He taught us to value marriage, but He said nothing about who we could or could not marry.
We lost a battle in California last month, but we are winning the war. We have a half-dozen states where we can be married, dozens more moving toward marriage equality and expanded civil rights. Changes in Federal legislation are coming. Just as it has before, the Mormon Church will sooner or later reverse itself. That war has already been won, it is only a matter of time and it cannot be stopped.
Then why so much fuss? For those of us who love the Church, and for those who have been damaged by it, we do not have time to wait. Through the efforts of what appears to be a small number of church leaders, the LDS Church seems to have abandoned the concept of teaching principles in favor of attempting to exercise dominion, righteous or otherwise, upon member and non-member alike, in a vain attempt to prove that you really can “buy anything in this world for money.” That increasingly large numbers of Church members no longer support these actions seems irrelevant. The image of the Church among potential converts has been damaged significantly, and the prejudiced actions against the gay community will not be easily dismissed from our memories or from history.
It is time now for each of us to stand up and to be proud of who we are: gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender men and women, created by loving Heavenly Parents, sent to earth in the last days and endowed with inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Do it from a soapbox on a street corner, do it in a private conversation with someone who loves you; do it from the pulpit on Fast Sunday, or do it with a co-worker or an old classmate. But do it. Stand up, come out, and be proud of who you are, and then stand up for someone else who needs you.
Affirmation Calendar 2009
June
Pride celebrations held across the world
June 6
Pride Interfaith Service in Salt Lake City
June 7
Come Out to Your Ward Sunday
June 8
Anniversary of the revelation that lifted the ban on African-Americans males holding the priesthood (1978)
June 9 - July 5
Facing East staged in Long Beach
June 11
Anniversary. Affirmation was organized on this day in Salt Lake City (1977)
July 10
Deadline to register for the
Young Adult Cornerstone in San Francisco
July 17-18
Young Adult Cornerstone in San Francisco
July 17-19
Executive Committee Meeting in San Francisco
July 17-20
Since Psychopathia Sexualis staged in New York City
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July 24
Pioneer Day
August 3
Deadline for submissions to the Affirmation Writing Awards
August 21
Deadline to register for the annual conference at reduced rate of $159
September 5
Deadline to register for the annual conference at reduced rate of $179
September 18-20
Affirmation's Annual Conference in Salt Lake City, UT
October 11
National Coming Out Day
December 1
World AIDS Day
December 8-9
Anniversary. Affirmation was organized nationally in Los Angeles (1979).
December 25
Christmas
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2009 Conference Theme Becomes Inspiring Song
How David Naylor Composed “The View from Here”
In interview with David Nielson
David Naylor was born in Murray, Utah and grew up in South Jordan and Coalville before serving a mission in Frankfurt, Germany. He was always interested in music, singing as soon as he could speak. When David was 5, the family got a piano which cemented his lifelong musical interest despite failing a Boy Scout music merit badge and a composition class at BYU.
David studied organ under Tabernacle Organist, Clay Christiansen, who was choirmaster at St. Mark's Cathedral at the time. He studied voice from Jackie Riddle-Jackson at Southern Utah University on his way to earning a Bachelor of Science degree in Music Education in 1987. He is a former member of the Salt Lake Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
He currently writes children's operas for Utah Festival Opera in Logan.
In this interview, 2009 Conference Chair David Nielson asks David how he came up with the idea for his new song, “The View from Here”. For more information about the confernece, including the registration form, visit www.affirmation2009.com.
What did you first think when you heard the name we'd selected, “The View from Here”?
I liked the title from the very first mention. Of course, my idea of what was meant by the title was a bit different from yours, but still it was the perfect creative spark for writing the song.
How did the idea that eventually became this song come to you?
I usually have to make a song personal before I can write it and feel good about it, so I based it on my own thoughts and experiences along my road to authenticity. Most of us know too well the conflicts we felt growing up LDS, always feeling at odds with the establishment, never quite fitting in. In order to truly appreciate the view from where we are, we need to be at peace with who we are and have the strength to live authentically, whatever that may mean.
What personal experiences did you draw on in writing this?
In the mid-90s, before coming to terms with the gay thing, I did everything I could think of to prove I was worthy of God's love. I couldn't get past the idea that God had destroyed two entire cities filled with people JUST LIKE ME. I thought that God must somehow hate me too because of this gay thing inside me! So I went out of my way to be uber-faithful. I know it's silly, but I made all kinds of promises with God. I studied, I prayed, I fasted, I did my home teaching, I attended the temple, in fact my time singing with the Tabernacle Choir was the result of one of those promises. Finally, one night, in an effort to find some solace, I read that infamous chapter in Spencer W. Kimball's “Miracle of Forgiveness” and I was overcome with new wave of shame and revulsion. I did not want to go on. I would just be better off dead! So I knelt by my bed that night and begged God to take my life. I don't know how long I knelt there, but by the time I was finished praying, I was convinced that God would take me during the night. So, I cleaned the house, wrote good-bye letters, wore PJs (so no one would find me in my underwear) and even left the front door open so nobody would have to break down the door when they came in to find me dead.
When I woke up the next morning, I was still here. What a huge disappointment that was! But a good thing came from all the drama. I learned that God is not going to change me so I'd better start coming to terms with being gay!
So when I was trying to come up with lyrics for the song, all I had to do was re-live that crazy, drama-filled night and plenty of ideas zoomed into my head!
Tell us a little about your musical background.
I started playing piano when I was 5. I had a few lessons from my mom, but the first real lessons I had were organ lessons in high school from Clay Christiansen. Then in college I took private piano lessons (required for music majors) and spent the entire time breaking bad habits.
When I was a senior in high school, I missed the bus for a field trip to the prison one day, so with nothing better to do, I got an urge to compose. I wrote my first song called “Misty Yesterdays” and inflicted it on anybody who would sit still long enough to endure it! The song was so sickening sweet that I cringe just thinking about it now! I'm sure it's the cause of my adult-onset diabetes!
I kept writing for ward choirs and other groups until, in 1992, I finally got the nerve to send something in to Jackman Music and they have published everything I've sent them since.
Oh, and I graduated from Southern Utah with a degree in Music Education in 1987.
I especially love the line, “The view from here is colored like a rainbow.” How did you come up with that? What do you see when you think about that line?
I'm glad you like it. I was afraid it was too cliché and about changed it several times! There was a time when I was so focused on NOT being gay that everything around me —family, friends, events, accomplishments— went completely unnoticed! Everything was essentially black and white. When I finally made the decision to accept myself unconditionally, everything changed. The rainbow, as it turns out, is the perfect metaphor —cliché or not — so I kept the line.
“What Is Right:” The Affirmation Young Adult Cornerstone Is Almost Here
July 17-18, 2009, in San Francisco
by George Cole
Young queer Mormons hold a peculiar place among an already peculiar people. Many of us did not serve missions, and many more of us came out long before marrying in the temple. Our experience is so different from the generations who came before us. This is why we will gather in San Francisco this July.
On Friday, July 17 we'll meet at the Metropolitan Community Church in the Castro District to meet and hang out for a nice evening. The next morning, we'll come back to MCC for a program including (with subject to change):
Activism and civil disobedience, with Kip Williams and Janine Carmona of One Struggle, One Fight.
Dating and safer sex, with Luis Guerra of the STOP AIDS Project.
Including transgender persons, with Christian Wynder. (Remember, it's LGB and T.)
Brief statements and Q&A with Affirmation's Executive Committee.
A tour of the Castro, led by San Francisco City Guides.
The Cornerstone is open to anyone 18-30: Mormon, ex-Mormon, never Mormon; single, dating, married; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, straight, or other. We're keeping the ages allowed to 30 and under because safe spaces are important: Women will talk to each other about things they won't say in front of men; parents will say things to each other they won't say in front of their children; young adults will talk about things they won't to people who are much older or younger than they are. To honor young adults' place in our community, only they will participate in the whole event.
The registration form and additional information are available at www.affirmation.org/news/2009_050.shtml.
If you need help with housing for the Cornerstone weekend or have anything to ask or say about the conference, please contact Young Adults Director Robert Moore at youngadults affirmation.org or Assistant Executive Director George Cole at george_coleaffirmation.org.
We're eager to see you in San Francisco in July, and we'll learn from each other What Is Right.
Missionaries for Equality: Robert Moore (right) and Dustin Lance Black met at the Meet in the Middle event held May 30 in Fresno, CA. |
Mobilizing for Equality
An Affirmation leader gives a first-hand account of the aftermath of the recent decision by the California Supreme Court
by Robert Moore, Affirmation Young Adult Program Director
 Send Robert an email
June 2009
This past month has been a very busy and emotional month of all Californians. As I am sure all you have heard by now, the California Supreme Court announced its decision to uphold Prop 8, which bans same-gender couples from having the right to marry.
The night before the decision was announced, George Cole and I attended an interfaith prayer service at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco to help guide the court to overturn Prop. 8. The next morning at 8:00 am we gathered again at St. Francis Lutheran Church for a prayer service for those who would be taking part in a non-violent civil disobedience act. After the prayer service, the clergy, the civil disobedience group, and a couple hundred community members marched down Market Street to the Supreme Court building. The march was lead by a sign stating “Faith Demands Justice.”
Once at the Courthouse, we waited til the decision was announced. Moments later, we found out that not-yet-married gay and lesbian couples were now third-class citizens (“third class,” not “second class,” since the 18,000 marriages that were performed before Nov. 4th are still valid.). Faith leaders led the group to the intersection of Grove and Van Ness St. While approaching the intersection, the civil disobedience group moved in and began to block the intersection. I am very proud to say that I was a part of this group. We were able to hold the intersection for about 5 hours. Around 11:45am the SFPD started arresting the group. In the end, 211 people were arrested and charged with Not Following an Officer and Jaywalking. Our court date is later this month, and we are very hopeful that all charges will be dropped and no fine will be charged.
This past Saturday, people all over California gathered in Fresno, CA for an event called Meet in the Middle (MITM). This community was ignored by the last campaign and voted around 70% for the ban on same gender marriage. MITM was kicked off by a symbolic march from Selma, CA, to Fresno. At the rally, I was honored to be in the VIP area where I was able to meet several TV stars and activists: Kyan Douglas (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy), Eric McCormack (Will & Grace), T.R. Knight (Grey's Anatomy), Daniel Choi (dismissed from the National Guard for being gay), and Christine Chavez (Caesar Chavez's granddaughter); and, of course, I was most excited to meet Dustin Lance Black. I was able to talk to Dustin about Affirmation and the work we are doing as an organization and about the Young Adults Program. I gave him my card, and he promised he personally would be in contact.
Also while at MITM, I was able to meet a lot of other faith leaders and talk about coalition building with interfaith organizations around California. I feel that this is vital if we want to grow Affirmation and reach out to local communities.
I would like to personally thank all of you who emotionally and physically supported me in the D-Day actions.
In Solidarity,
Robert Moore
Young Adults Program Director
youngadultsaffirmation.org
The Affirmation Writing Awards,  , and You
Why We Decided to Make YouTube Clips Part of the Contest
by Hugo Salinas
Read the official rules
A teenager from Vermont recounts coming out to his ward in fast and testimony meeting. A group of women from Idaho talk about what it means to be lesbian—and Mormon. A Broadway singer and dancer recounts how he joined the LDS Church, became a BYU Ambassador, and eventually decided to have a commitment ceremony with his same-sex partner. These are just three of a myriad of stories posted by gay and lesbian Mormons on YouTube. Unscripted and compelling, these stories are consistent with the Mormon tradition of bearing one’s testimony, or, to put it in the words of D&C 80:4, to “declare the things which ye know to be true.”
This year, for the first time, we have decided to include a YouTube category in the Affirmation Writing Contest. Granted, talking to a camera is not writing, and unfortunately, this year we cannot guarantee monetary awards to the entries. Yet we have included this category because we have seen in many clips the power that a personal story can have in helping others understand our journeys. Acknowledging exemplary clips is consistent with the original goal of the Writing Awards: to recognize those who help change hearts and minds by speaking up and by sharing with others their experience as GLBT Mormons.
Although some of the stories provided in the links above as examples are longer than 10 minutes, we strongly recommend that you keep your contest entry short. As you contemplate the possibility of posting your own gay Mormon testimony on YouTube, consider the following areas which deserve special interest:
- The Mormon lesbian experience. What special challenges and gifts do you think you have as a lesbian woman? How and when did you come out? Are you happy with the place your journey has taken you?
- The couple experience (preferably told by both partners). How did you meet? What did you partner think when she or he found out you were a Mormon? How have you approached decisions such as attending church together, having or adopting children, having a civil union, or getting married?
- The gay Mormon experience outside the US. What do you think makes your experience different from that of a lesbian or gay man in the US? What kind of cultural values prevail in your country and affect the coming out experience?
- The missionary experience: What factors affected your decision to go (or not to go) on a mission? What special challenges did you face as missionary? Do you regret today having (or not having) served?
Read the official rules
See also:
Gay Mormon Man Bears Testimony on YouTube
“We particularly regret the role played by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in helping to orchestrate the sequence of events that led to the Court’s ruling today.”
—David Melson, Executive Director of Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons |
Gay Mormons Respond to California Court Ruling
26 May 2009
“Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons regrets the decision of the California Supreme Court sustaining Proposition 8, although we are grateful that the court did not set aside the 18,000 marriages that Prop 8 had threatened. We particularly regret the role played by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in helping to orchestrate the sequence of events that led to the Court’s ruling today,” said David Melson, Executive Director of Affirmation.
“The Mormon Church, which teaches the virtues of ‘the glorious cause of truth,’ engaged in a year-long battle plan of half-truths and untruths to support Prop 8,” according to California resident George Cole, Affirmation’s Assistant Executive Director. “The church which preaches that family is to be valued above all else has squandered millions of dollars to tear our families apart. The church that declares as one of its Articles of Faith that all people should be allowed to “worship how, where, and what they may,” has attempted to impose its beliefs upon all of the citizenry of California.”
Micah Bisson, Senior Assistant Executive Director, added, “Affirmation has fought for over thirty years to end the damage caused by the intolerance against gay people, particularly within the LDS Church, to establish ‘safe spaces’ for gay Mormons and their families, and to build channels of communication between the LDS Church and its gay members.”
“Although the California Supreme Court decision today is disappointing, the campaign to overturn Proposition 8 at the ballot box in 2010 has already begun, and we are encouraged by the growing chorus of states across America who are endorsing marriage equality,” said Melson.
“Marriage equality will be a fact of life in this country. While no church, synagogue, mosque, or other religious institution will be required to recognize any marriage that it chooses not to accept, many congregations have already chosen to recognize marriage equality. More and more people have come to understand that being gay or being heterosexual is biological, much like blue eyes; it is determined before birth, it is the way God created each of us, and it is to be celebrated.”
Other Stories Posted at www.affirmation.org
One Year Since I Came Out
Gay Mormons to Participate in Interfaith Service
“Facing East” to Be Staged in Long Beach
Gay Mormon-themed Play to Be Staged in New York City
The Passion of Sister Dottie S. Dixon
Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
P.O. Box 1435
Palm Springs, CA 92263-1435
National Phone Line: (661) 367-2421
To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters
Executive Director: Dave Melson
Senior Assistant Director: Micah Bisson
Assistant Director: George Cole
Associate Director & Affinity Editor: Hugo Salinas www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity
Send Us Your Submission!
AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving
Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY
is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee.
Submissions are welcome and should be limited to 250 words. To contact us, visit www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, national committee or publisher, but rather
the individual writers. The Editor reserves the right to edit any material
deemed offensive, libelous, grammatically incorrect or lengthy.
About AFFINITY
AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document.
Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become
a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important
mission.
If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply send a request to Hugo Salinas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. If you are a dues-paying member and do not have Internet
access, you may request a printed version that will be sent to you by
mail.
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