Affinity
April 2010
Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons—Serving LGBT Mormons and Their Family and Friends Since 1977
Inside This Issue

“This conference will provide opportunities for people to get involved at any level they choose in an area where they feel strongly, and give them the tools to take action right away.”
      —Dale Barton

Anxiously Engaged: Activism and the Future of Affirmation

An interview conducted by Hugo Salinas

Affirmation has a long history of “doing activism”—by marching in pride parades, by responding to homophobic statements and actions, and by working to educate the LDS community. But ten years ago, when the LDS Church began to lobby nationwide against marriage equality, Affirmation widened our activist scope: We began to hold suicide vigils at LDS chapels and temples, wrote and endorsed “amicus briefs” in support of equality, and began to work more closely with the media. In January 2001, Affirmation issued a statement on education and activism. The statement says that “we must engage in open dialogue to achieve mutual understanding,” but also points out that “addressing ignorance through non-violent confrontation is a positive vehicle for change.”

In this interview, a group of Affirmation leaders share their opinions about the role of activism in Affirmation and suggest that the scope of activism may be much wider than we once thought.

The interviewees are Dave Melson, George Cole, and Micah Bisson (Affirmation’s executive committee), Dale Burton (chair of the upcoming conference) and Robert Moore (director of outreach and advocacy).

We hope this will be the first in a series of articles discussing activism. If you are an Affirmation member and wish to share your own thoughts about activism, please send me a message.

The 2010 Affirmation Conference will include a lot of hands-on action groups. Why?

Dale Barton: We come from a rich Mormon heritage of helping other people—it’s part of our DNA. However, we are often too busy planning how to help people that we don’t get out and do something. Maybe we are waiting for permission or instructions or a calling. The reality is that we have all been called to make the world a better place for those around us and for those who will come after us. Right now, there are thousands of young people who are struggling with the negative judgment of their religion, their community, and their family against the biological reality of their sexual orientation. We have all been there. We know what they have been through, and we must be out there to help them survive.

What about those who want to come to the conference but are not particularly interested in activism?

Dale Barton: The conference is not about “activism;” it’s about taking action. It is far less important what you do, than that you do something—anything at all. This conference will provide opportunities for people to get involved at any level they choose in an area where they feel strongly, and give them the tools to take action right away. It’s simply taking the step beyond saying “Something needs to be done” and moving to “Let's go do something now.”

The conference will be fun, interactive, and full of choices about what you want to do. At no time will participants be asked to do something they are not comfortable with, and there will be many alternatives. Ultimately, this is an opportunity to STAND UP for ourselves and for many others who cannot.


“I see activism as being a very, very broad category.”
      —George Cole
What does “activism” mean?

George Cole: Activism working toward change in a social or political system. Most people view activism as inherently militant or aggressive, but I don't think it has to be. I think that maybe a more useful way to think of activism, at least as I see it, might be “change-action” or “change-oriented action.”

Do I have to carry a sign and a picket a building to do activism?

George Cole: I see activism as being a very, very broad category. On one extreme, activism can mean staging a large group sit-in with your partner and several other couples at the county offices, refusing to leave until each pair is granted a marriage license, never mind that state law prohibits it. But activism can also mean something less radical, like sending emails to all your friends and family asking them to vote in favor of marriage equality during the next election.

During the 2008 protests at several Mormon temples, some gay Mormons saw the coverage on TV and cried, while others were on the picketing line carrying the biggest signs. Doesn’t this suggest that gay Mormons are hopelessly divided in their attitudes toward activism?


“Those who cried and those who marched each engaged in activism in their own way.”
      —Dave Melson

Robert Moore
“As long as someone is not impeding on someone else’s rights, causing damage or hurting anyone, I will support and respect their freedom to do what they feel they need to do to get their feelings, concerns, anger or point across.”
      —Robert Moore
Dave Melson: No, it shows that within our community are a variety of opinions and levels of tolerance for the issues. Within Affirmation, you can find members who are active in the LDS Church, even holding callings and temple recommends, you can find people who have been so badly damaged by the church that they want nothing to ever do with it again, and you can find everything in between. Our faith recognizes that all men and women, even those at the head of the church, have been blessed with the gift of free agency and will, therefore, make mistakes. Those who cried and those who marched each engaged in activism in their own way.

Robert Moore: I think gay Mormons are divided in their attitudes toward activism, but I do not think there is anything wrong with this. As long as someone is not impeding on someone else’s rights, causing damage or hurting anyone, I will support and respect their freedom to do what they feel they need to do to get their feelings, concerns, anger or point across. This is why I love being involved in Affirmation: No matter if you have been away from the church for 30 years and want nothing more then to see the end of the Mormon Church or you are still active and struggle with your orientation or gender identity and your testimony, there is a place for you in Affirmation. We are here to offer a safe space for all our sisters and brothers and we advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves.

What is Affirmation’s overall strategy toward the leaders of the LDS Church?

Dave Melson: When the leaders of the Church do something that affects members of Affirmation and that is good or right or positive, we will applaud them; when they do something that is hurtful, hateful, homophobic, or un-Christlike, we will criticize them appropriately. While we respect Church leaders, as we do all people, we recognize that they are imperfect mortals, as are we, and are subject to the foibles and errors that arise from free agency.

What single factor do you think would do the most to help advance the LGBT cause among the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve?

Robert Moore: The single most important factor is time. It is going to take time to have leaders who are open to accept new revelation on this issue. With that said, we all need to continue to push the church in the direction of full acceptance and respect of all God's children. We must let them know when they do good and positive things for our community as well as make them aware of our disappointment and sadness when they do things to hurt our community. If we back off and just wait, it will take longer for the revelation to come. We have seen from the past that it sometimes takes outside pressure to make church leaders open to a revelation. We must make sure church leaders know that there are LGBT members who are very devoted with strong testimonies in the church and deserve to be able to serve God through the LDS church.

“I see us doing all this work so that generations who follow ours do not have to choose between their spirituality and sexuality.”
      —Micah Bisson


In 2008 when you asked for a meeting with church leaders, a Utah gay activist said: “It reminds me of the battered wife constantly going back to her abusive husband.” How do you respond to that?

Micah Bisson: The person making the comments may not have understood our goal. We were not going to the church to ask for forgiveness and acceptance, but to ask for a dialogue of understanding of the issues at hand. Beyond our moral obligation to do so, our charter mandates that we “work for the understanding and acceptance of gays and lesbians as full, equal and worthy persons within the [LDS] Church.” That mandate hasn’t changed in Affirmation’s 30-year history, and it is still important to work towards that end. I see us doing all this work so that generations who follow ours do not have to choose between their spirituality and sexuality.

Do you think it is OK for Affirmation to organize a vigil next to a stake center? Boycott a Proposition 8 donor? Picket Temple Square?

Micah Bisson: I’m all about holding vigils as long as they are on-topic and are directly relevant to LGBT issues. I’m also in favor of actively supporting a boycott of a major Prop-8 donor. That was a direct attack on our families and those who supported it should have direct support for their businesses reduced as much as possible. Now, I think Affirmation can do better things with its time than picket near Temple Square, but I’m not opposed to someone taking that action. Just don’t expect me to be there in the middle of it.
“The act of going to a search engine to look for ‘gay Mormon’ and then clicking on ‘Affirmation’ is in and of itself an act of activism.”
      —Dave Melson


LDS leaders continue to call homosexuality an abomination and spend millions of dollars against marriage equality; LGBT Mormon youth face ostracism, rejection, depression; sometimes they even commit suicide. Wouldn’t it better for the average LGBT Mormon to simply get out of Mormonism and join a welcoming church?

Dave Melson: For many it would be better, yes. For those who still believe in the gospel principles of the LDS Church, it makes sense to stay to work within the Church to create safe spaces for everyone, including God’s LGBT children, and to work towards their full fellowship within the church. For others, it makes sense to work to end the damage that has been done to both Mormons and non-Mormons by our church’s actions.

Is there a place in Affirmation for those who are not interested in activism?

Dave Melson: Affirmation provides a welcome and a safe space for all. Having said that, the act of going to a search engine to look for “gay Mormon” and then clicking on “Affirmation” is in and of itself an act of activism. Coming out to your family or to your ecclesiastical leaders as a lesbian woman or as a gay man is an act of activism. The pattern for our life, Jesus Christ, certainly lived a life of activism. As Christians, if we see a wrong, we must try to right it—that is the greatest form of activism. We need every level and every degree of activist in Affirmation.


Affirmation Calendar 2010

April 15
“Facing East” performed at Florida Atlantic University

June
Pride celebrations held across the world

June 8
Anniversary of the revelation that lifted the ban on African-Americans males holding the priesthood (1978)

June 11
Anniversary. Affirmation was organized on this day in Salt Lake City (1977).

      July 24
Pioneer Day

September 1
Deadline to send submissions to the Road to Reconciliation Story Contest

October 8-10
Annual Conference in San Francisco

October 11
National Coming Out Day


James Kent
James Kent

San Francisco Conference Will Be Memorable—and Affordable
Quad Hotel Occupancy at Only $149

“What’s heaven like? A little bit like San Francisco.” Tony Kushner’s words in “Angels in America” summed it up, and so Affirmation is returning to San Francisco for our 2010 Annual Conference this October. We will be meeting October 8-10, at the Westin Market Street Hotel in the heart of San Francisco. Registration forms will be available next month at www.affirmation.org, but now is the time to plan.

Dale Barton and the San Francisco Conference Committee have worked hard to make sure that this conference is particularly unique, memorable, and affordable. Although the conference fee of $225 for early registration is higher than past conferences, that has been offset by an amazing hotel room rate of just $149 per night for single, double, or quad occupancy.

In addition, the hotel is just steps away from the subway, trolley, and BART lines, and restaurants that range from fine dining to economical fast food. And San Francisco is served by two major airports, so air fares tend to be competitive. The Irwin Phelps Scholarship program is also available to provide financial assistance with your conference registration, if needed, and special rates are available for students or those who are underemployed.

This year’s conference theme is “Stand Up,” and will highlight opportunities to practice activism —making a difference in the world— at whatever level suits your personal style, ranging from marching in the street to helping provide lunch to homeless gay teens. We promise that you will leave this conference feeling better for the experience. And on top of that, the weekend takes place in San Francisco (a great city) in October (the best time of year in the Bay area) and over a holiday weekend (Columbus Day weekend).

Start making plans now. See you in the Castro in San Francisco!



STANDING UP for Ourselves—and for Others
We need to work together to make a better world for all of us

by James Kent

This is the second in a series of articles featuring stories of people who decided to STAND UP rather than being indifferent in the face of opposition. If you have an idea for a STAND UP article, please send me an email at www.affirmation.org/contact/hugo.

 I’ve been out of closet and to myself for almost 22 years. I consider myself very fortunate that being gay is mostly a non-issue for me. My immediate family loves me unconditionally and is very supportive. A lesbian cousin of mine lives just a few houses away from me. Where I volunteer at an aquarium or culture arts center, everyone is either gay or gay friendly.

I’ve discovered over the years that most people who have problems with gay people have been given misinformation, or were taught by their families and peers to feel that way. The best way to educate this people is to either challenge their remarks and/or come out to them. The nice thing to come out to someone is that you will know whether or not they are really your friend. And on several occasions when was not around, my friends have stood up for me when dealing with homophobic people.

I remember many years ago a co-worker mentioning how he thought how wrong it way for to guys “get it on with each other.” I was kind of a mentor to this person. I replied, “It shouldn’t make a difference as long as they are not wanting to get it on with you.” “ And besides, maybe you just haven’t found the right guy for you to want to get it on with.”

You should have seen the shock on his face. Then he was silent for a few seconds. Then he started chuckling to himself. And finally, he said to me, “You know James, you’re right, maybe I haven’t found the right guy.” From that point onward I never heard an anti-gay remark from him.

A couple of years ago, a fellow volunteer usher and I were visiting with each other after a show. She leaned over to me and said in a whisper, “See so-and-so over there, I hear she is a lesbian. That’s disgusting.” And turned to her and smiled, “Dear, it doesn’t make a difference because she isn’t sleeping in your bed.” “But the Bible says it’s wrong,” she replied. I patiently told her, “The bible can be interpreted anyway you want. What’s important is to live and let live. You have a right to your happiness, and she has a right to her happiness. As long as it’s consensual, whatever floats your boat.” She replied, “You’re right James, live and let live. Whatever floats your boat.” And I haven't heard an anti-gay remark from her since then.

There are also times when some of my gay and lesbian friends have been disowned by their families and friends. And I have stood up on their behalf. I personally knew the brother of a gay friend of mine. This brother was and still is very homophobic. I penned him a letter telling him that if he refuses to love and accept his brother as is, then his brother will find a family of choice who will love and accept him as is. I continued telling him that he had no right to treat his brother in that manner, and did not deserve to have him as I brother with that attitude.

As Affirmation Gay & Lesbian Mormons gather in San Francisco in October, the theme of the conference is Stand Up. We need to stand up for ourselves. We need to stand up for others who cannot stand up for themselves. We need to work together to make a better world for all of us.



Some of the Affirmation and GALA members who met at the Community of Christ Headquarters. The gate behind is the entrance to the temple, which is open to the public. The glasswork is a representation of the Sacred Grove.

Affirmation Leaders Visit Kansas City, Independence
Equality is a Zion that Affirmation and GALA members could work together to build

by Hugo Salinas

On March 12-14 a group of national Affirmation leaders gathered in Kansas City for what turned out to be an unforgettable weekend of meetings, sharing, and hospitality. Chapter director Greg Valentine generously offered his home for the executive meetings. Along with other chapter members, he organized trips to the airport, lodging, and delicious meals—all of which kept the chapter busy from Friday through Sunday.

One of the highlights took place on Saturday evening, when we held a meeting with local Affirmation members, sharing not only food but also our hopes and dreams for the future of Affirmation. Greg started to gather local LGBT Mormons two years ago, and they recently became an official Affirmation chapter.

There was one more reason we wanted to meet in Kansas City: the Community of Christ, which is part of the larger Latter Day Saint movement, is headquartered in Independence, 20 minutes east from downtown Kansas City. The Community of Christ Temple stands on the land that Joseph Smith once pronounced the center place of Zion, where a temple would one day be built (D&C 57:3).

At the Community of Christ headquarters, we experienced more hospitality: We were welcomed by the leaders of GALA (Gay and Lesbian Acceptance, roughly the Community of Christ equivalent to Affirmation) and by leaders of the Welcoming Community Network, which is an official part of the church. Our friend William Russell, editor of Homosexual Saints, drove all the way from Graceland University to be with us.

We shared breakfast with them, toured their temple and museum, and listened to some magnificent organ music. Yet for many of us, the most inspiring moment took place at the end of our visit, when we all held hands and sang “God Be with You Till We Meet Again.” Affirmation and GALA leaders will be exploring in the next few months ways to create synergy between the two groups—perhaps even by holding a joint-conference near a Mormon historic site.

LDS scriptures provide several descriptions of Zion—including one that points toward the concept of equality: “If ye are not equal in earthly things, ye cannot be equal in obtaining heavenly things” (see D&C 78:3-7). The 300-foot-tall Independence Temple, where no recommend is required and where everyone is welcome, invites us to recall that Zion is not so much a place as a social order based on ideals of equality and justice. At this time when the LDS Church stubbornly continues to excommunicate LGBT people, and the Community of Christ struggles along the road toward full acceptance, equality is a Zion that Affirmation and GALA members could work together to build.



Download Flyer
Road to Reconciliation Story Contest
“We learn best – and change – through stories that build emotional connections”

by Janeen Thompson, Foundation for Reconciliation

We are seeking stories from LDS or former LDS Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders or their families and loved ones. The purpose of these stories is to create an emotional connection to LDS members and to the public at large, so that greater empathy and understanding will be created and reconciliation of the LGBT community and the Mormon Church can commence. We believe that change will come from members whose hearts have been softened and who will not tolerate discrimination and mistreatment of LGBT members.

First prize is $1,000. The deadline for submission is September 1st, 2010. Winners will be announced at the San Francisco Affirmation conference.

The best of these stories will be published in a book called Road to Reconciliation. Publication is expected by the end of 2011. Proceeds from this book will be donated to the Foundation for Reconciliation for furthering the work of reconciliation. The submission of your story constitutes your permission to have your story included in this book.

The suggested length for these stories is 1000 – 5000, but no story will be disqualified based strictly on length. Stories will be judged by a 3 member panel, independent of the Foundation. You may submit your story anonymously. You may change identifying information to protect your identity. Please give your story a title.

We would like to hear about your upbringing, your church involvement, your realization regarding your sexual orientation; how you adjusted or how you failed to adjust, how you were treated, particularly with regard to the Church; the struggles you went through and how you have reconciled your orientation with, or despite, Church teachings. If you have not be able to reconcile your orientation, tell us about that, and any other information that is pertinent or that you would like to share. Stories should be submitted to ldsapologygmail.com.

We would like to thank you in advance for sharing what must be some of the most personal and exposed aspects of your life. The power of stories cannot be underestimated. It is what has shaped cultures and societies throughout history and what can bring about change and acceptance in the LDS Church.

Please see the Contest Flyer for additional details about this project.

Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
P.O. Box 1435
Palm Springs, CA 92263-1435
National Phone Line: (661) 367-2421
To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters

Executive Director: Dave Melson
Senior Assistant Director: George Cole
Assistant Director: Micah Bisson
Associate Director & Affinity Editor: Hugo Salinas www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity

Send Us Your Submission!

AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee. Submissions are welcome and should be limited to 250 words. To contact us, visit www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, national committee or publisher, but rather the individual writers. The Editor reserves the right to edit any material deemed offensive, libelous, grammatically incorrect or lengthy.

About AFFINITY

AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document. Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important mission.

If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply send a request to Hugo Salinas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. If you are a dues-paying member and do not have Internet access, you may request a printed version that will be sent to you by mail.


© 2012 Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
www.affirmation.org