| Affinity August 2010 |
 Conference Chair Dale Barton |
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We will share our stories, honor our heroes, and worship together through song, stories, and musical talents.
There is still some time to register for the 2010 Affirmation Conference, to be held October 8-10 in San Francisco. The theme for the conference is STAND UP! During the conference we will explore different ways to engage with our community and with the world as we help prevent suicides, reduce homelessness, engage in political action, and build bridges with others in the LDS community. We will also share our stories, honor our heroes, and worship together through song, stories, and musical talents.
“We want conference attendees to have the experience of being part of a huge statement to society,” says conference chair Dale Burton, “to stand up for important issues in our lives, and to illustrate that we too can have an impact in the world.” The planning committee includes James Morris, Aaron Vinck, Robert Moore, John Minagro, and others.
Because one of the purposes of this conference is to build bridges, many allies and supporters have been invited to be part of this event—including members of Mormons for Marriage, the Foundation for Reconciliation, and many non-LDS organizations.
Our host hotel will be the stunning Westin Market Street Hotel in downtown San Francisco. The Westin Market is located across the street from the Yerba Buena Center for the Art and the Museum of Modern Art. It is close to the Union Square shopping area and has very easy access to the heart of the Castro. We are thrilled to find such a prime location at less than half the standard rates for San Francisco.
The conference fee has been offset by an amazing hotel room rate of just $149 per night for single, double, or quad occupancy. The Irwin Phelps Scholarship program is also available to provide financial assistance with your conference registration, if needed, and special rates are available for students or those who are underemployed.
Affirmation Calendar 2010
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August 4-7 Sunstone Symposium held in Salt Lake City August 22 Deadline to submit nominations for the Mortensen Award September 1 Deadline for Hotel Reservations at Special Price September 1 Deadline to send submissions to the Road to Reconciliation Story Contest |
September 15 Deadline for On-Time Registration with Meals for Conference October 8-10 Annual Conference in San Francisco October 8 Affirmation Leadership Meeting in San Francisco October 11 National Coming Out Day |
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 James Morris |
StoryCorps Will Be Setting Up a Recording Room at the Affirmation Conference Hotel
by James Morris, member of the 2010 Conference Planning Committee
My two kids, now three and a half, love story time. At their age, and even today, I love story time too. My favorite stories were the ones based on real experiences, that allowed me a window into my parents’ own childhoods and helped reveal why an aunt or uncle are the people they are today. Recently, I have been able to spend more time with my mother who will be ninety in a few months, and though we enjoy reviewing family lore, we also enjoy delving into more obscure bits of family history. This is a treasured opportunity.
Affirmation will have an incredible opportunity this fall to participate in the StoryCorps OutLoud project. Through NPR's Morning Edition many of you may have experienced the wonderful results of StoryCorps ongoing efforts to record and preserve the stories of individuals across the nation. OutLoud is a segment of their project that specifically focuses on members of the LGBTQ community. As with all their other recordings, these will be archived at the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress and be made widely accessible through their website, podcasts, books, and CDs.
Interested Affirmation Conference attendees will have a chance to share in this remarkable project. StoryCorps will be setting up a recording room at our hotel and we hope do one day's worth of recordings on Saturday and then further recordings on Sunday next door to the Westin at the Contemporary Jewish Museum.
So much of the history of the LGBTQ community has been lost because of shame, fear, and censorship. I know one big stumbling block that kept me from keeping a journal as a youth on my mission was the fear of committing to paper all those thoughts and feelings I tried to deny were a part of me. The fear of "What if someone should open my journal and start reading about the real me?" kept me silent. And now there are times I would love to go back and revisit what was going on in the head of that nineteen-year-old I once was.
Naturally, it was when I started to come out that I craved reading the life stories of those gays who fearlessly shared their deepest feelings. Their words were a comfort. I knew I was not alone. Others had lived through what I was going through (and worse!) and had survived and so must I. I learned what a huge value it is to have others' experiences help frame my own mortal journey and keep life's challenges and tribulations in perspective. Moreover, by relating to their personal revelations and triumphs, I experienced a feeling of joy and the power of connection to something greater than myself. Thank heavens for their words.
No one else can tell our stories. We need to share them and have them preserved as part of history. Our partnership with StoryCorps at conference is a perfect way to continue to make this happen. Please contact me if you would like to be a part of this project.
 Brus Leguás Contreras |
"Our Argentine sisters and brothers can now walk the way of peace as full citizens with equal rights"
Compiled by Hugo Salinas
We were ecstatic to hear that Argentina has just become the first Latin American country to enact marriage equality—despite the adamant opposition of high-ranking leaders of the LDS Church. The following cheerful messages have been sent to us by Affirmation leaders from across Latin America:
Brus Leguás Contreras, Chile:
Last night many of us followed the debate held in the Argentine Senate. We suffered every time the votes seemed to go against us, and we became excited every time the votes shifted in favor of the new law. The final result came in at about 4:00 am on Thursday. We were overcome with emotion: we hugged, we cried, and we cheered for this far-reaching triumph of the LGBT community in Argentina. We felt their triumph was our own.
Paraphrasing the Gospel of Luke, we would say that yesterday Argentina stood “to give light to them that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace” (Luke 1:79). Our Argentine sisters and brothers will no longer suffer the darkness and shadow of discrimination. They can now walk the way of peace as full citizens with equal rights.
We are grateful to all those who made this possible; we congratulate all those who had a part in this struggle for civil rights.
In Chile and in other nations, the struggle goes on. We continue to work for equality. What happened in Argentina has given us new hope.
Marcela, Brazil:
I am so happy for the LGBT people of Argentina. I sincerely hope Brazil will do the same.
Lucinaldo, Brazil:
The decision to legalize the union of gay couples in Argentina represents an opening for other countries in South America as well. We hope Brazil will soon follow the example of Argentina and other countries in recognizing equal rights.
Hugs,
Lucinaldo
Carlos Peralta, Mexico:
In Mexico we have received with gladness the news about same-sex marriage being approved in Argentina. Razú Aznar, a Mexican lawmaker who advocates for marriage equality, stated that “wile Mexico opened a back door to equality last December, last Thursday Argentina opened the main gate and gave a master lesson in human rights to all of Latin America.”
From Mexico City, we congratulate Argentina for this achievement, and we are sure their example will have a positive influence in our region.
This is worth dancing a tango.
Viva Argentina!
 Affirmation co-founder Paul Mortensen (right) with husband Robert Jacob in 2008 |
It is time once again to call for nominations for Affirmation's highest honor, the Mortensen Award. The award is presented each year at our annual conference to an individual who has served Affirmation in outstanding leadership and service during the past year. We encourage you to submit a nomination today. The deadline is August 22. Ricky Gilbert, chair of the Mortensen Award Committee, wrote the following:
To the members of Affirmation:
I have chaired the Committee since 1999. Please don't think of this as an award for national leadership only. Anyone who is a member of Affirmation and meets the requirements is eligible. (Requirements are listed on the Affirmation website.)
Over the years I have seen several trends. Rarely has a sitting National Director received the award. Four of the recipients' chapters deluged the committee with nomination letters. Four of the recipients never held a national office. Only ten people who had been National Director received the award. Twice couples have been given the award.
I would like to encourage the membership to look around at the people in your chapter/area. There should be someone who is making a difference within your chapter/area. The committee has no way of knowing about them unless you point them out. I could see a couple of people at the Salt Lake conference that I felt were exhibiting excellent leadership talent. Once again, I entreat you to look at the people you know and consider whether they may be worthy for this award.
Time is getting short, nominations close August 22.
 Todd Ransom |
“How many deaths will it take til they know too many people have died?”
Laura Compton, of Mormons for Marriage, has posted a blog entry in which she reflects on the recent passing of Todd Ransom, a gay Mormon man who lived in Utah. This is the third gay suicide in Utah this month. The other two victims were Roman Catholic.
“How many deaths will it take til [they know] too many people have died?,” Laura asks herself in the entry. “I spent the evening remembering young gay Mormon men and women like Todd Ransom who have committed suicide. Three this month in Utah. And the list was already too, too long.”
“We’ve certainly come a long way, but there is still much farther to go,” Laura adds. “And as we approach Pioneer Day, the day when we remember Mormon ancestors who walked across a continent in order to establish a religion, we remember all those who walk alongside us as well as those who have fallen by the wayside.”
Laura’s article is posted at www.mormonsformarriage.com/?p=274.
Since 2000, Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons has been raising awareness about the epidemic of suicides among LGBT Mormons. In that year we started an online memorial to remember them—whether they were Affirmation members or not.
 In Salt Lake City some 400 people, including Affirmation members and leaders of Mormons for Marriage, gathered at the Utah Capitol to celebrate Federal Judge Vaughn Walker's decision. |
"The right of mutually consenting adults to join their lives together as a family are basic to our society" By David Melson, executive director of Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons applauds the decision of Federal Judge Vaughn Walker overturning California’s Proposition 8 and restoring the right of gay or lesbian Californians to be married. The judge’s formal opinion was a logical, well-reasoned, rational statement defending the right of any two adults to mutually choose to join their lives together in the publically recognized institution of marriage. As anchorperson Keith Olbermann pointed out in his commentary shortly after the passage of Proposition 8 in 2008, the issue at hand is not about gay versus straight, it is not about conservative versus liberal or Democrat versus Republican, it is not even about sex, it is not about religion, it is simply about love. It is about the love that two people have for each other, and about the mutual love and respect that we accord one another as our brothers and sisters. Proposition 8 sought to remove the already existing right of gay couples to be legally married in California, the first time in United States history that a federal or state constitutional amendment was used to remove a civil right from a class of people. To claim to support the principles of such a proposition while acting on behalf of a loving God is incomprehensible. One of the greatest love stories in scripture is the Old Testament account of David and Jonathan. As Mormons, we are embarrassed by those leaders within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who chose to resort to intimidation and dishonest dealings with their fellow citizens in their attempts to force the passage of Proposition 8 in California and similar measures in other states. As Latter-day Saints we have been taught that the greatest and most valued institution on this earth is that of the family; measures such as Proposition 8 seek to demean or to destroy our families. As the ruling points out, allowing gay and lesbian people to be married does not in any way weaken or harm the marriage of non-gay couples, and the prohibition of marriage does not in any way serve the interest of the state. The worth of each individual and the right of mutually consenting adults to join their lives together as a family are basic to our society. We urge the affirmation of Judge Walker’s decision, and other recent decisions in favor of marriage equality, by the higher courts as expeditiously as possible.
Let’s remember with a smile that we all have in Ina Mae and Stella two of our Founding Mothers By Hugo Salinas Exactly one year ago, I had brunch with Ina Mae. I had to go to the Bay Area for an Affirmation leadership meeting, and I flew in one day earlier to visit Ina Mae and Stella. I taped a wonderful interview with Ina Mae (Stella had her say, too!), we took pictures, and I helped Ina Mae organize her Mormon papers for a donation to the Special Collections at the University of Utah’s Marriott Library. Among the thousands of papers, letters, and miscellaneous materials that we unearthed on that day, an old picture popped out. When Ina Mae saw it, her face lit up: It was a picture of Ina Mae pitching hay on her brother's land in southern Idaho in 1953. Except for the real old-timers, it is difficult for most of us to fathom how much work Ina Mae put into Affirmation over the years. We know, of course that she was Affirmation’s director (or the “general coordinator,” as it was then called) for 1984 and 1985, and the 1989 recipient of the Mortensen Award. But there is so much about Ina Mae and Stella that you may not know! Ina worked hard all her life. She was born in Newdale, Idaho, on January 15, 1935, the 8th of 9 children, in a devout LDS family. She grew up working hard in a farming community. “By the age of 10 I worked the fist time in the potato harvest,” she wrote many years later. “School was let out for two weeks, and you got a partner and picked up potatoes. It was hard work, but we also played with our friends working with us and earned a little money for school clothes.” Ina Mae discovered Affirmation in San Francisco in 1979. By that time she had served in the Air Force, married, divorced, and been in two long-time relationships with women. Ina Mae got involved in the gay and women’s liberation movements in the early 1970s; helped run a women’s center in Hayward, California, in the mid 1970s; and became a strong supporter of Mormons for ERA in 1979. “I am a Lesbian,” Ina Mae wrote in a letter she sent to all her siblings in 1982. “The reason why I’m telling you this now is because I want you to know the whole person. I want you to know there is a lesbian in the Murri family and in the Church. If I am fighting to change the attitude of the Church and members of it, I have to start with my own family.” Ina Mae’s 1982 letter received mixed responses. One older sister, who had served a mission, sent her a reply which included a list of 13 scriptures which, the sister said, warned against homosexuality. Yet over time, Ina Mae’s family learned to love her partner Stella, and both became a fixture in the family reunions the Murris held every summer in Idaho. Ina Mae was the rock. Stella was the comedian. They complemented each other so well, and were so united in everything they did, that some relatives called them “Stina,” as if they were a single person. Stella once wrote a delightful account of how the two met, and how unlikely it first seemed that they would end up together. “Ina and I were introduced at a Gay Pride Parade, and then she called me to find out if I wanted to go to this rally and that political meeting. I said, I don’t do that stuff. I asked her if she went to bars. She said no. We didn’t think we had anything in common. We went to a movie, she dragged me to a Slightly Older Lesbians meeting, and the next thing I knew I was at an Equal Rights Amendment rally.” At Affirmation, Ina Mae excelled. In May 1980, before the days of the Internet, she decided to start what she called “a unique experiment,” a newsletter for Mormon lesbians. Ina Mae was also Affirmation’s first official matchmaker, as she launched the Pen Pal program in 1983. By the mid-1980s she had become Affirmation’s general coordinator, a position which she held for two years. Then in June 1988, when she no longer had the heavy burden of being national director, she focused again on the women of Affirmation by creating “An Affinity for Women,” a publication which she edited between 1988 and 1998. During those ten years, Ina Mae and Stella’s home in Fremont became Lesbian Mormon Central. Ina Mae corresponded with hundreds of people. She wrote dozens of articles and made presentations for Sunstone and other forums. She received mail from women all over the U.S., England, Switzerland, and Japan. Her correspondence sometimes turned into deeply personal exchanges with Mormon women who were barely coming out and desperately trying to reconcile their orientation and their religion. Ina Mae’s purpose was always the same: To help her fellow sisters and brothers get to know each other, support each other, and strengthen each other. Ina Mae and Stella died in a car accident three weeks ago. Neither the Mormon service held in Idaho nor the Catholic mass held in California was your average funeral. Both the Mormon bishop and the Catholic priest validated Stella and Ina Mae’s love. Morgan Smith, who went to high school with Ina Mae, was one of the Affirmation members who attended the service in Idaho. In California, another Affirmation member, John Minagro, took his guitar to the funeral mass and during the offertory sang a beautiful adaptation of a song from the classic movie Brother Sun, Sister Moon, which is the tale of St. Francis of Assisi. What is so compelling about Ina Mae and Stella’s story is that it proves that love really can conquer all—even the deep-rooted prejudices that we may experience in our families. As she described the multiple funeral arrangements, one of Stella's daughters wrote to me, “Everything will be with both: Together forever, side by side." The day after Ina Mae died, one of her Mormon nieces told me, “Our consolation is that they died together and now they are in heaven, together forever.” Ina Mae herself expressed that wish in a 1989 article published in Marty Beaudet’s Flamingo News: “I remain a Mormon in thought, if not in activity. I have a great concern for my brothers and sisters who are struggling to reconcile their sexuality with the Church. It is a tremendous burden to be labeled a ‘sinner’ when what you really want is to love and to be loved; to be open with our love, and to have the acceptance of our families, friends, and yes, our Church.” May we never forget Ina Mae and Stella’s legacy. And every time another lesbian Mormon comes out, every time an Affirmation couple gets married, and every time a judge rules for equality, let’s remember with a smile that we all have in Ina Mae and Stella two of our Founding Mothers. Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 1435 Palm Springs, CA 92263-1435 National Phone Line: (661) 367-2421 To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters Executive Director: Dave Melson Senior Assistant Director: George Cole Assistant Director: Micah Bisson Associate Director & Affinity Editor: Hugo Salinas www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity Send Us Your Submission! AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee. Submissions are welcome and should be limited to 250 words. To contact us, visit www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, national committee or publisher, but rather the individual writers. The Editor reserves the right to edit any material deemed offensive, libelous, grammatically incorrect or lengthy. About AFFINITY AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document. Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important mission. If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply send a request to Hugo Salinas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. If you are a dues-paying member and do not have Internet access, you may request a printed version that will be sent to you by mail. |
