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Mark Calaway (1964 - 1992)

Mark Jonathan Calaway was born January 28, 1964 in Los Angeles and was adopted at the age of eight by Donald and Theodora Calaway. He died July 11, 1992 in Anaheim, California.

Tribute by His Father Don

Sunstone, September 1992, 16:33, pp. 6-7. Reprinted in Affinity, April 1993, p. 4

We recently said goodbye to Mark. He died of AIDS-related cytomegalovirus, a virulent virus that attacks the brain. Mark was twenty-eight.

We adopted Mark when he was eight. It was obvious from the start that he was different, although the LDS Social Services counselor told us only that Mark had a difficult childhood and that his birth mother could no longer take care of him.

Mark was a loner, frequently the victim of teasing by schoolmates and Church "friends", and often misunderstood by his frustrated and perplexed parents and siblings. He was quite unhappy during his growing-up years, although there were many positive experiences, too. Eventually he developed a special bond with his two sisters.

Mark grew into a tall, handsome young man. He reluctantly went on a mission. After returning home he disappeared for a time. He finally resurfaced in a distant city, living on the street. At this time, the rest of the family was forced to face his homosexuality.

In looking back, I can now see that for most of his life Mark had been trying to discover who he really was. He knew we and the Church were homophobic, and he tried to hide his true identity. We went along with the charade because we couldn't bring ourselves to believe he was gay. If so, he certainly would outgrow it, especially with all the "boy" activities we scheduled for him. He hated Scouting and all sports. He secretly played with dolls and dressed up as a girl.

After much soul-searching and not a little prayer the family began to realize that Mark was a victim and not the wicked degenerate the Church saw him to be. A good friend (stake president/social worker) counseled us to accept Mark as he was, let him live his own life, love him, and not abandon him. He also said that regardless of claims to the contrary, he was unaware of any real sexual preference changes brought about by therapy.

Mark felt estranged from family and rejected by the Church. Although there will probably always be some guilt, we reconciled with Mark. We had a family reunion for him, hugged him, had some fun together, prayed, and reassured him that we loved him and that he was part of the family.

Mark didn't choose to be gay. His greatest fear was that he would die rejected and alone, as many LDS AIDS victims do. We made sure that didn't happen. We were blessed to be with him at the end.

We have chosen to think the best about Mark and leave the judging to God, who undoubtedly will be more compassionate and understanding than many members of the Church. We hope death is kinder to him than life. We love you, Mark.

Don Calaway
St. George, UT

Please add your own tribute by sending an email to James Kent.