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Tony Oren Simmons (June 21, 1956 - August 25, 1990)

Tribute by Alan Blodgett

At the age of 34, Tony Simmons died from complications caused by AIDS while in the care of his father. Throughout his entire adult life, Tony struggled earnestly to reconcile his homosexuality with his desire to be good son, father, husband and Latter-day Saint. In many aspects he succeed.

Tony was born in Heber City, Utah to Oren and Janyce Carlson Simmons. His father was a barber. All of his life he was particularly close to his maternal grandparents who were a constant source of loving concern and compassion for him. It was them he most wanted to be proud of him.

From his childhood, Tony felt same-sex attraction and as a young man became intimately involved with other men. He related particularly to older men who could offer him affection and a sense of security for which Tony felt a need. At the same time, Tony yearned to be a credit to his parents, grandparents and to his church. He made valiant attempts to live by the standards expected of him, succeeding at times, and failing at others. As with many gay LDS men, Tony thought that marriage and having children would change his feelings and at the age of 20, married in the Salt Lake Temple.

From the very first day of his marriage he had cause for doubt, however. In the temple he was faced by a temple worker with whom he had been intimate only a year earlier. Tony asked himself the haunting question, "Is this what my life is going to be like, outwardly appearing to be a family man faithful to my church, but secretly seeing other men?" He resolved not to let this happen, a resolve he was not able to keep.

Tony followed his father's example and became a hair stylist. With his artistic flare he was remarkably successful at what he did. Encouraged by his father, he began entering competitions where he won many awards and trophies. He was most proud of a gold medal he won at an international competition in Canada. He was a member of the USA Barber Team that brought back the only win Utah ever had.

Following his marriage, Tony had three children who were the jewels of his life. In time, the marriage ended in divorce, however Tony continued to be an exceptional father who centered his whole life around his children, giving them constant attention.

For a time after his divorce Tony took that attitude that I am gay and might as well face up to it. He opened a new hair stylist solon in the Shilo Inn in downtown Salt Lake City, catering to both women and men. He began focusing on his physical appearance, losing weight, became active in the gymnasium to condition himself, and grew a stylish beard.

When Tony was about 30, he met a another woman with whom he believed he could have a successful marriage. They were married and in time Tony became the father of two additional children to whom he was equally devoted.

For the last three years of his life, Tony had an increasing number of health problems that in time made it impossible for him to maintain his own salon. A year before his death, his father invited Tony to join him as a hair stylist at his West Valley shop. He became very thin and frail and had to give up working. He died August 25, 1990 at his father's home in West Valley City, Utah.

Tony lived a complex life, filled with love, success and excitement, but also disappoint and disillusionment. He will forever have a place in the hearts of the many who loved him.

Tribute by his former wife Melissa

4 November 2008

I first saw this about Tony a few weeks ago when I goggled his name, Why I did that is unsure other than he had been on my mind for weeks if not months. I am the second wife to Tony. At first the article saddens me followed by sickness, then tears. To this day 18 years later my heart still has a very sore and unhealed spot for him. To know him was a great gift, the girls where three and two at his passing the first wife actual had three children with him I just had the two beautiful girls they are now 21 and soon to be 20. Tony would be a grandpa many times over now, and he would have loved that.

I am saddened by the fact that as Mormon he struggled with his desire to be happy and be who he wanted to be. I am thankful everyday for this man who gave me two special gifts. He was truly a child of God. I hope that one day we can all stop trying to be God and realize that life itself is a gift one that I almost lost because Tony had to hide his true desire. God bless your group and thank you for the wonderful article about an amazing man.

Melissa Simmons Gibbs

Please add your own tribute by sending an email to James Kent.