High on a Mountain Top

There are as many reasons for why we are together as there as members. Each reason is highly personal to the individual. One such reason that I have observed at many levels is the freedom to be open and free in a "safe" place, with "safe" people. The Latter-day Saint connection and/or pioneer heritage that brings us together provides rich historical metaphors for us to consider. The migration to Utah was about creating a safe place for the Saints to live and practice their religion freely and openly. One hundred and fifty years of open living has created a mainstream status (or at least tolerance) for the former societal pariahs.

Our current circumstances have many parallels with the pioneer experience regarding acceptance. When we last visited Tahoe last summer in the first meeting of the conference committee, the theme jumped out at us!

High on a Mountain Top Our Banner is Unfurled!

Hopefully it won't take another hundred and fifty years of open living for us to gain mainstream status or at least tolerance.

We heartily applaud your presence at the 1999 Tahoe Affirmation Conference.

Tianna Owen
Executive Director

John Kreiger
Senior Assistant Director

James Kent
Assistant Executive Director

Day One - Friday, October 8

Check in

Conference participants were greeted by some familiar friendly faces as we entered the soaring lobby atrium. Squeals and hugs were in order as old and new friends met for the first time since our last conference.

Dorothy, Diane and some helpful friends ran the registration table. Centered on the lobby floor in front of it was our Affirmation AIDS Quilt, containing the names of former friends and companions who have died from this terrible disease.

We should be sure to thank the hotel staff and our host, Michael Hernandez, for creating a warm environment for us to meet in. Prior to our arrival the resort management held "sensitivity training sessions" with their staff to make sure we would be comfortable. Send comments to the hotel manager.

Delicious food and warm friends: that may best describe the setting for this biannual meeting. This was our chance, as leaders of Affirmation, to discuss important issues, share success stories, give updates on our work, and to meet our newest additions to the team.

James Kent conducted the meeting, a tough job when you have so much to cover. Tia Owens, our Executive Director, led a discussion on the results of a survey of our membership that discovered what was important to them.

We also heard from our two candidates for our next Executive Director, Mike Miner and James Kent. Read their candidacy statements on the News page.

Each afternoon in the atrium hotel guests are invited to relax with friends while enjoying complementary drinks and snacks.

The theme was Polynesian so the atmosphere was naturally warm and inviting. Our buffet spread tempted diners with mounds of fresh fruit and skewers of chicken.

James Kent's family helped with this evening's Polynesian entertainment. Mom helped with a Conga Line Mixer, a difficult feat with so many people.

Don performed exhibition dances (contemporary and kuhiko - ancient). Then we joined the whole family on the dance floor where we had ample opportunity to laugh at each other as we tried the hula and Maori dances.

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Day Two - Saturday, October 9

Breakfast-in the Atrium

Up bright and early? Well, most of us made it, although there seemed to be a few sleepwalkers among us. The complimentary omelets, pancakes, waffles, cereals and buffet spread of tasty treats helped to wake us up.

Morning Speaker Honey Ward

Coinciding with National Coming-Out Weekend, our morning speaker was Honey Ward, a nationally recognized speaker and seminar leader. Her dynamic message inspires people to live powerfully, proudly, and effectively on a foundation of personal integrity. Honey has been active in a variety of community organizations for many years including The Experience Workshops where she currently serves as Executive Director. The late David B. Goodstein, publisher of the Advocate newsmagazine and psychologist Rob Eichberg founded The Experience in 1978 to help realize the vision: "By the year 2000 it will be absolutely OK to be lesbian or gay, and diversity will be valued and celebrated." Ms. Ward has been facilitating The Experience workshops since 1987 and assumed leadership of the organization following Rob's death in 1995. Listen to a portion of her talk on "Coming Out" (below)

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Snack Break

A quick snack helped to ensure that we would make it through the workshops without dying from hunger. But where was the Jell-O?!

A Few Lessons Never Learned from Mother: Drag and the Artistry of Make-up

Aaron Arnell led this unusual lesson in make-up and skin care. Aaron is a freelance make-up artist and the "Homemaking" teacher for the Portland chapter. He enjoys his unofficial title as "snowboarding queen" of Mt. Hood, when he's not baking cookies and caring for the sick and the needy!

Aaron was joined by James Kent, AKA Imelda, a frequent visitor to both Affirmation and Gamofite gatherings. He once claimed he would never do drag, but with a little prodding from his best friend, won first prize at a Affirmation Halloween party in 1990. His most memorable appearance came at the Santa Cruz Affirmation conference as part of a fashion show where he appeared crowned with a blond beehive almost three feet high! Marge Simpson eat your heart out!

Research from Gay Studies Program at the University of Utah: Discussion of Gay Parenting

This session was led by Kay and Ted Packard, and Millie and Gary Watts. Ted Packard is Professor of Gay Studies Program at the University of Utah, and Gary Watts was recently appointed to the Board of National PFLAG. Both couples have gay children, and have been helpful in their active support of the gay community in Family Fellowship and PFLAG.

Honey Ward, our morning speaker, returned for this workshop on the issues associated with the coming out process.

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Duane Jennings, a member of the Salt Lake City chapter of Affirmation, and a sixth generation member of the church, examined biblical verse and Mormon scripture in light of creating gay and lesbian inclusion and understanding in the modern church.

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Embracing Your Spiritual and Sexual Selves

Nancy Lafaiete is a licensed MET, a certified substance abuse clinical hypnotherapist and biofeedback therapist. She has worked with gay, lesbian and transgendered individuals and couples for the past twelve years in private practice in Reno, Nevada.

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"Stump the Shrink" or Questions you always wanted to ask your psychiatrist but were afraid

Unafraid of the possible questions we might ask, Dr. Ed Lynn, former Director or Life Stress Center at Carson Tahoe Hospital for 12 years and presently in private practice in Carson City, Nevada, attempted to help clear the air a bit.

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Jason Firth and Rick Fernandez, both lawyers and members of Affirmation, focused on legal topics of interest to gays and lesbians, including legal protections for couples, such as power of attorney, wills, trusts, and an update on recent legal developments affecting our civil rights and marriage. Jason is an attorney with the San Francisco law firm of Steinhart and Falconer, practicing primarily in the area of trademark, copyright and Internet law. He has spoken at the National Center for Lesbian and Gay Rights, at the March on Washington and at the Associations annual meeting. Rick Fernandez is an attorney with the Portland firm of Ball Janik LLP, practicing in the areas of real estate, land use, trademark and computer law.

Allison Bingham, Ph.D. in Anthropology, is Youth Coordinator on Affirmation's National web site, making use of networking and referrals with other agencies for young people who are reaching out for help.

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Womyn's Issues

Cathylee Crandall led a group discussion with womyn of Affirmation regarding issues relevant to their personal lives and association and affiliation with Affirmation.

Rod Kempton is the Organization Development Consultant and Manager of Training and Development at the University of California, San Francisco. He has facilitated workshops for over 15 years. Rod has been in a gay relationship for five years, following a heterosexual marriage of sixteen years. He is a parent of eight children and a grandfather of four.

Keith Campbell combined his experience and training in management, group facilitation and conflict resolution to provide customized workshops and retreats throughout the United States. His clients range from Nationwide HMO's to small non-profit groups.

Cami Courtright, a massage therapist in Northern California, used the image of "gatekeeper" taken from indigenous cultures to describe the role that gay and lesbian people can have in mediating the transcendental in everyday life. Her intuitive, spiritual exploration through meditation and research has brought her face to face with some very interesting conclusions.

Banquet & Mortensen Award

This is our time to shine, in fact some of us even glowed! Each year we gather for a Saturday evening banquet and awards ceremony. And this year, two of our dearest friends, Sisters Imelda and Ivette, made a dramatic entry donning matching bright pink hairdos and glamorous gowns. Touching hearts and lifting spirits, they circled the room chatting with admiring fans. They also blessed us with their lovely gift of voice by singing two songs.

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The Mortensen Award presentation followed, honoring Henry Miller of the Portland chapter for his dedication and service to Affirmation. David Johnson read a list of his accomplishments, including his service in several chapters and his ongoing efforts in creating and maintaining Affirmation's National website.

Our banquet speakers were Kelli Peterson, who gave a brief overview of her work in the Salt Lake City school system for the Gay & Straight Alliance, and Grethe Cammermeyer, who concluded the evening with an address that touched on our conference theme.

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Colonel Grethe Cammermeyer is best known for her 10 year struggle with the military's antigay policy and her own discharge after 27 years of service. That story and struggle is documented in her autobiography Serving in Silence, which she wrote with Chris Fisher. Her life story was also a made for television movie Serving in Silence, with Glenn Close. Colonel Cammermeyer won her military case, returned to the military and retired after 31 years. Her topic was aptly titled "Affirm Yourself," emphasizing living your truth as it does set your life, heart and soul free.

Dancing

To the wide-eyed locals, overwhelmed by the wave of people that invaded South Lake Tahoe's only gay bar/dance club, it looked like a giant family celebration. Men and women, of all ages and makeup crowded onto the small dance floor and laughed and sang to the beat of great dance music. Single dancers, couples, and small groups danced together, exchanging smiles and dance partners throughout the evening. If only Stake Youth dances could have been as much fun!

"I've never seen anything like it," said one local regular, reacting to the unexpected party. The handsome bartender simply exclaimed "I don't know what to do, there's too many of them!"

As the temperature rose, so did the spirit of the evening, as several shirts came off and wolf calls echoed through the surrounding hills. Watching the faces of everyone, you couldn't help but realize that Affirmation truly is a family of friends who were celebrating being together and being out. It will be a night we will long remember.

Day Three - Sunday, October 10

Breakfast in the Atrium

Most of us made it out of bed this morning for a hearty breakfast and cheery "good mornings." Some were still recovering from their activities last night at the local dance club.

Tahoe Queen Cruise

It started from a lakeside port, our Skipper brave and true, a wedding party went above, for a three hour tour, a three hour tour...

Crystal clear calm water, gentle breezes, and a warm sunny day—perfection in these parts. It couldn't have been better conditions for our cruise. Our numbers gave us the advantage in claiming one deck for ourselves, and free access to all other decks. As we left the dock, several of us gathered around the glass bottom viewing window, while most climbed to the upper deck to enjoy the sunshine and spectacular views of Lake Tahoe. Our destination: Emerald Bay. A beautiful bay with a small island in the middle topped by a stone structure originally built to serve as a tea house (although someone was overheard referring to it as a "tea room").

Lunch was served, our choice of burgers or veggie sandwiches. (We were, of course, disappointed to go all that way and not find one sign of Maryanne's coconut cream pies!)

The return to the east shore gave us an opportunity to talk and "hang out" together. Several discussed their relationships, sharing some personal accounts of how they met and how they cope with differences and conflicts. It proved to be very revealing and encouraging, as we realized how similar we are, while laughing at each others relationship stories.

The bus ride from the dock back to the resort was a short trip (5 minutes), but we managed to become best friends with our bus driver, and sang "Happy Birthday" to her while she drove (her 50th).

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"Our Family Tree of life" was presented by the Seattle Affirmation chapter. Short readings focused on how different cultures and traditions view trees, including Native American, Biblical, Shinto, Better Homes and Gardens, Primary children songs, Mormon, Christian, Islamic, Jewish, Hindu, and Buddhist. Each member of the audience tied a ribbon onto a tree's branches that was planted after the conference at the home of our conference organizers.

A concluding prayer asked for strength:
Lord, help us to be like trees, planted strong in thy earth and nourished with water and fertilized with food, living life on earth on which we grow, and on which we stand and depend and without whom we could not exist. Help us to be strong and true like trees growing fruitful and helpful and performing the mission for which has been ordained us, to grow and bear fruit and to be a blessing to others. In Jesus' name, Amen.

The Candlelight Vigil at sundown Sunday was in memory of Matthew Shepard and all others who have died as the result of violence due to homophobia. Members of our conference, local residents, representatives from local gay supportive and religious organizations, and agencies from both California and Nevada gathered in front of the hotel, including a representative of the Matthew Shepard Scholarship fund who passed out brochures explaining why the fund was created.

When all were gathered, we lit our candles and then walked quietly to the shore of Lake Tahoe. The police were on hand to stop traffic as we crossed the busy main street through town.

It was quiet along the water's edge. The air was still. Our chapel-like meeting place was circled by pine trees with stars overhead. Flickering candles softly lit the faces of each individual present. Tears flowed freely as messages of love and support were shared, followed by a soloist singing A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief. We concluded the gathering, and the conference, by singing our traditional "closing song" God Be With You Till We Meet Again.

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Our Conference Organizers

Dorothy Colley, Jeff Denison and Diane Gordon
Mucho thanks to these three wonderful friends who spent many sleepless nights going over details and making arrangements for our weekend of fun and enlightenment.