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Paul Mortensen (right) with husband Robert Jacob in 2008

Affirmation Pioneer: A Tribute to Paul Mortensen
Paul Mortensen is an Affirmation icon and one of the great pioneers in the gay community; but more importantly, Paul Mortensen is a decent, humble, human being whom I have the privilege of calling "friend."

Ben Jarvis
February 2009

Change is a part of life, that is one of the few things that is constant. This year, Affirmation bids farewell to a stalwart supporter; and for those of us here in Los Angeles, it is a farewell to the father of our chapter. After more than three decades, Paul Mortensen is taking a long overdue, and much deserved, step back. He and his husband, Robert Jacob, are retiring from Affirmation and handing over the reigns to the next generation.

I first met Paul Mortensen in 1994. Like many others, the I was terrified to knock on his apartment door thereby acknowledging my Mormon gayness. Many of us laugh at those stories now, and we've heard them all. We had people drive from an hour away only to circle the block and head home. One friend actually walked up the stairs and stood in front of the door before chickening out and leaving. For those of us who did make it into Paul's apartment on our first attempt, we often sat there stunned as we realized that we were not alone and that far from being different, we were very much like those sitting around us. Paul Mortensen was a big reason for that.

I know that Paul Mortensen hates receiving praise and recognition for what he has down over the last three decades. That gives me all the more pleasure to use his name (Paul Mortensen) as many times as possible in such phrases as "Paul Mortensen was the person who was there for me when I called Affirmation for the first time;" or "Paul Mortensen comforted me and helped me realize that I wasn't alone;" and my all time favorite "Paul Mortensen thought that Oscar acceptance speech was dull . . . and what the hell was Bjork thinking with the swan dress?" Okay, so I made that last one up. Nonetheless, Paul Mortensen is an Affirmation icon and one of the great pioneers in the gay community; but more importantly, Paul Mortensen is a decent, humble, human being whom I have the privilege of calling "friend."

When Paul Mortensen founded the Affirmation Los Angeles Chapter in 1978, there were no resources for the Gay LDS community. Paul nurtured the chapter and was a driving force in the national organization. In the early days so many people attended Affirmation meetings that they all couldn't fit in Paul and Robert's apartment—a hall had to be rented to accommodate everyone. Paul saw the number of Affirmation members increase; and sadly, as the horrible epidemic of HIV/AIDS swept through Los Angeles, he mourned the loss of many dear friends and loved ones. There are many Affirmation greats who passed away before I found the organization. Paul took the time to sit down and tell me about their lives and how sad it is that they were no longer with us in the world. Paul Mortensen taught me about these great pioneers and impressed upon me the importance of carrying on their legacy.

Paul Mortensen helped me feel at home with myself and to embrace both my Mormon and gay sides. In the beginning I thought those two sides of my being were forces pulling me in opposite directions. Paul helped me understand that both identities were important to my whole being and that they were complimentary, not polar opposites.

When I first met Paul Mortensen a large part of me still wanted to be straight. I was scared about what the gay world held for me and much preferred to remain in the familiar territory that I knew. I wanted a family, a marriage, a life to share with another; maybe even kids. Paul Mortensen introduced me to family members I never knew I had—Affirmation members who, like me, were struggling to find themselves. Through the years I watched as different members of our chapter found love. Families were created all around me. Later on, Paul Mortensen expressed all the jubilant emotion of a proud grandfather when Kassandra and Jered were born. These two children—now young adults—spent many hours in Paul and Robert's apartment on Hollywood Boulevard. To them, gay people weren't scary or abnormal. They had two Moms who loved them and whenever they went to an Affirmation function at Paul and Robert's place, there were plenty of other people who fawned over them as well.

Pat and I had the honor to have Paul and Robert attend our own wedding last year in downtown Los Angeles. When Paul pronounced the evening as being FABULOUS, Pat and I knew we had pulled of a successful social event. A few weeks later we returned to Paul and Robert's apartment where we watched as Robert married our long-time friends Jacki and Tere. Their children, Kassandra and Jered, watched as their mothers were legally married, opening another chapter of their lives with Paul there cheering them on.

Paul Mortensen was a major influence in my life, creating within me a drive to reach out and help others who are struggling along the trail. After experiencing so many uplifting, wonderful, and life changing moments through the people he has introduced me to, it is almost funny to think back to when I sat in his apartment for my very first Affirmation meeting, remembering my fear and trepidation.

It is impossible to overstate my gratitude for Paul Mortensen. He has helped shape the modern Gay LDS community and my life specifically. In fact, Paul Mortensen has positively impacted the life of my entire family, from Hawaii to Louisiana to Brazil. I would love to have Paul involved with Affirmation forever, but that just is not realistic. All of us will move on eventually and I fully support Paul in this next chapter of his life. In fact, I am more than a little envious.

Paul, best of luck to you and Robert. You've left your mark and you can take a breather now and watch as those of us you trained and mentored step in to shoulder the burden for the next thirty years!