Discipline, Excommunication, and Name Removal     

It was always disconcerting to me to find good honest people outside of the Mormon church. For some reason, I believed the only real saintly people had to be Latter-day Saints.

When I served my mission, I encountered people of all religions who said they believed in their churches, but there was always at least one thing their churches taught that they didn't believe or understand. It was with pride and conviction that I was able to say that I believed in my church 100%.

Throughout my life, whenever I met a "non-member" who had the qualities that I thought were possessed exclusively by LDS people, I'd either wonder if they were really genuine or if perhaps they were missing something significant that I just couldn't detect. They certainly couldn't be equal in character to Mormons, they didn't have the true gospel.

During the course of my 39 years, I have encountered many wonderful people. Two specific examples would be a woman from my mission, whom I visited two years after I was released, and a longtime neighbor from my childhood. They weren't baptized Mormons, but they certainly were Latter-day Saints. Mother Teresa also comes to mind. My partner is another example. He is not a Mormon but is far more Christ-like than most people I know, Mormon or not. Could there be true Christians outside of the Church?

Repetition brings conviction. How many times had I heard and said that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true church on the face of the earth? While on my mission I wrote in my journal my testimony of the church and the Savior and I vowed to never apostatize. My parents were completely devout Mormons as were my siblings. The Church was the center of our lives. Even after my mission I continued to do missionary work, in the military, university, at work, and even amongst my friends. In fact, it was just last year, a few short months after some friends of mine were baptized, that I was excommunicated from the Church.

There had always been a struggle within me regarding my sexual orientation and my testimony of the church. After years of intensive spiritual and intellectual research, I came to terms with the fact that my homosexual nature is as much a part of me as my heritage or eye color. It clearly cannot be changed. Yet, the Church teaches that homosexuality is a sin. I consoled myself with the lesson I learned from one of my leaders while on my mission. "The Church is true but the people are not." This corresponded with something I had read which likened the church leaders to vessels made of different types of wood. A cherry wood vessel, for example, would give its contents the flavor of cherry. The revelation received through the leaders of the church would, like the cherry vessel, undoubtedly be influenced by their personal prejudices and impressions. "Yes, the church is still true, and this statement made against homosexuality must simply be the personal bias of the spokesman," I told myself.

However, now they had excommunicated me. Actually, when they started the ball rolling toward that end, I requested to just have my name taken off the Church's records in order to preserve my reputation from any further slander in the small town in which I lived and am still living. The stake president told me that I couldn't do that. They had to hold a court and discuss what to do with my membership. Earlier, in a private meeting, my bishop told me the missionary work I had done was my way of compensating for my sins. He referred to scripture and told me that when Christ comes He'll say that He never knew me despite my good works. I brought it to the bishop's attention that he didn't know me well enough to make such statements concerning my motives, which were completely incorrect. He retorted that he is a judge in Israel. This and other experiences led me to ask myself if I still really believed the Church was the one and only true Church on the face of the earth.

I went to the post office to pick up a certified letter. For the first couple of minutes I was shocked and weakened. I was EXCOMMUNICATED. Then immediately following was a feeling of warmth and comfort. It dawned on me that to live the Gospel was not my individual responsibility; I would have to answer directly to the Lord. I felt closer to Him.

The principles and truths that I'd learned from the church are still true. I am still required to keep the commandments. The LDS Church, like other churches, encourages and teaches us to live like the Savior. The Mormon Church had taught me well, but now it is time for me to be accountable on my own.

More truth and enlightenment can be found from the Church and other sources, and I will continue to seek and live the truth. General authorities quote C. S. Lewis, Norman Vincent Peale, and other non-Mormons. Truth is not found exclusively in the Mormon Church. Latter-day Saints are not exclusively Mormon.

Every individual is responsible for his or her own salvation and exaltation. At the judgement bar we stand alone and answer for our own lives.

The eleventh Article of Faith says, "We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." Christ alone is my Judge.

Whether the Mormon church declares homosexuality to be a sin, or whether the leaders are non-condemning doesn't really matter. The attitude and treatment of homosexuality differs from ward to ward and stake to stake. The same spirit that witnesses to me about the truthfulness of gospel principles also witnesses to me that a loving and respectful coupling is acceptable to the Lord regardless if it's homosexual or heterosexual. My homosexuality does not negate my testimony, nor does my testimony negate my homosexuality. I love the Lord, and I know that He loves me and accepts me.

I can no longer say that I believe the Church is 100% true. Without reservation, however, I do declare the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true. The Church has played an important role in my discovery of that truth. Similar to how one passes from elementary to high school to college in order to increase in knowledge and experience, it has come time for me to further my spiritual education. My mind and heart have been opened to allow me to appreciate and learn about truth from a wider area. Ironically, my homosexuality has been the catalyst in this furthering of my spiritual growth.