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John Donald Gustav-Wrathall (left) with partner Göran

Homosociality and the Mission Experience

From an interview with John Donald Gustav-Wrathall.

Read the full interview.
April 2007

In your bibliography you mention D. Michael Quinn's book on same-sex dynamics. Do you think there are similarities between the homosocial, gender-segregated experiences men had at the YMCA in the 19th century and what Mormon men—and women—experience in the MTC and as mission companions?

As Mike Quinn writes in his book, the Mormon gender-segregated culture and this culture of same-sex bonding was not unique to Mormonism in the 19th century. This was part of the American culture generally. So what he found in his study of Mormonism in the 19th century, I was finding in mainstream white Protestant culture. Other historians have amply documented this same-sex culture of the 19th century. So yes—there should be parallels between Mike’s research and my own research.

I think part of the reason I was attracted to the YMCA as an organization is because I saw this intensity expressed through deep evangelical commitment in these young men, and the way that they bonded to each other in a very intense way was reminiscent to me of my own missionary experience. I was a devout Latter-day Saint; I took my mission very seriously, had a strong testimony of the gospel; and I saw the same kind of fervor in these young men. I was drawn to this particular subject because of my own experience.

In Take the Young Stranger by the Hand, you say that you sustained intense relationships with same-sex friends in religious contexts: hugging, touching, on occasions even sleeping in the same bed and caressing and hugging each other, though not getting involved in overt sexual acts. Don't you think such a repressed approach to relationships is intrinsically unhealthy and can lead young people to anxiety, depression, and even suicide?

That’s an interesting question—this is the first time anybody's asked me that. Before coming out, I had a very intense friendship with another man. I don't know if he was gay, but I suspect he was. We had this relationship where we were very emotionally open with each other and we shared a lot. We did sleep in the same bed together. We hugged and we kissed, but we were never overtly sexual. I remember having a conversation with him in which I said, "Wouldn't it be great if we could spend the rest of our lives together? Maybe after you marry and I marry, we can be next-door neighbors and we can always be together.”

That friendship made me so happy. I honestly think that in my mind at that time I didn't need to have a sexual component in that relationship with him. What was really most important to me was the emotional bond and the connection to another human being. Now I have come to embrace my sexuality as a good thing; I have been in a committed relationship for over 14 years, and we have the physical element of our relationship which has really deepened the relationship. But I think I would have been happy having this intense friendship with this person. Looking back on it, I don't think of it as being an unhealthy situation; but I don't think it is unhealthy for the sexual element to be added to that kind of relationship, either.