Henry Miller

There appears to be a major conflict going on between the church's leadership over homosexuality and the battle has spilled onto the pages of the Ensign. First there was Faust's extremely negative piece, then came Oaks more positive article. In January there was the travesty, Becoming Whole Again, and now this article from Elder Carmack.

This interesting article entitled When Children Go Astray makes remarkable progress when compared to the previous anti-gay stance taken by some LDS leaders, especially Boyd Packer who is remembered for his conference address where he stated that it was permissible to slug someone who is gay.

In this article by Elder Carmack we find a very different approach more in line with the teachings of Jesus Christ in that he calls for greater understanding and compassion. He also, sadly, includes unintentional insults and speaks with a condescending tone that he would never use when describing a heterosexual young adult. The article includes these statements that deal specifically with "same-sex preference":

Refrain from judging others unrighteously. Because God and Jesus Christ alone can judge fully what is in a people's hearts (See D&C 76:68), they alone can wisely and perfectly tempter justice with mercy, conditioned on whether our hearts have been softened and whether we have repented of our individual sins. It is for this reason we are admonished not to judge others unrighteously. Harsh condemnation of others by us will bring to us a similar condemnation from our Heavenly Father (JST, Matt. 7:1-2). God, as well as his Son, is a totally righteous and completely trustworthy judge, perfected in light, knowledge, and understanding.

One particularly heartrending experience comes to parents whose children express a same-sex preference. Parents may wonder how to be generally supportive of their young adult without condoning specific immoral behavior. Harsh and judgmental reactions, threats to disown them, or other mistreatment of such a son or daughter do not help. Parents need to continue to extend loving concern to the young man or woman while upholding God's law of chastity and morality.

Because our children follow a different course than we have taught them does not give us license to reject them. We can rarely know in full what forces cause our children's lives to careen out of control. Only God has all the tools and facts sufficient to identify the forces that bring about undesired effects. He alone, through the Son (see John 5:22), can and "shall bring every work into judgement with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil" (Eccl. 12:44). Thus our relationships with our children are valuable. Our children are as old as we are in the eternal sense (see D&C 93:29). We must not reject them or judge so quickly or harshly that the damage becomes nearly irreversible.

We in Affirmation are happy to hear a church leader counselling heterosexual members to refrain from judging unrighteously. He clearly states that God and Jesus alone are capable of judging another human being and condemnation comes to those who do. Yet, he continues with the party line when he labels our God-given orientation a "preference," infers that we are guilty of "immoral behavior," and that our lives are "careen[ing] out of control." He obviously, has not followed his own counsel in resisting the urge to judge others whom he knows little about. He, we presume, has never been homosexual, does not know what it means to be homosexual, and most likely never will. The church has never claimed to have special knowledge through either research or revelation on why people are gay/lesbian. It seems inappropriate that he would condemn so many with these ignorant and libelous labels.

We are pleased that he counsels parents to hold on to their children and treat them as the valuable spirits that they are. His final thoughts are troubling though, when he says that parents should not reject them or judge "so quickly or harshly that the damage becomes nearly irreversible." Why, if judging results in damage, would he not ask that parents refrain from judging altogether? Why allow anything to go this far when it can and should be avoided from the beginning?

Affirmation looks forward to the day when our church leaders can be brave enough to admit that they don't know what they are talking about when it comes to understanding our situation. No one at present knows why people are gay/lesbian or straight. We encourage our leaders to continue to learn from our experience and to counsel those who would wish us harm to resist this evil. We support their efforts to encourage parents to support their children who discover that they have a gay or lesbian orientation. Too many young lives end in suicide when this is not the case. Too many families have been broken apart needlessly by the ignorance of the past. It's time to move out of the shadows into an era of greater love and understanding.