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Gay Dads Supported by LDS Extended Family July, 2004 Excerpted from Ryan Oliver Hansen, "Gay Utah Dads Enter Fight for Family Equality," Salt Lake Metro, June 10, 2004, p. 7. A typical day in the Butterfield household includes multiple diaper changes, cleaning up scattered toys, and resolving battles--such as a tear-soaked, screaming fight over a favorite toy car--between the Butterfield's two year-old twin boys. But the battles between the twins are the least of Tony Butterfield and Paul Redd-Butterfield's worries. They've taken on a bigger fight: the fight for gay marriage equality under the law. They say they're just as deserving of marriage as any heterosexual couple since they've been together for 12 monogamous years and their twins have been with them from the moment they were born through a surrogate mother. They're aware of the upcoming conflict over gay marriage on a state and national level, and they're ready for the battle. [...] "We want to give a voice to all gay families. I don't know what people think our family is like, but it's a lot more like other families than many people think. I think many people would look at our family and be rather bored, actually," said Tony. The Butterfields have made raising their twins their top priority. "It's wonderful being a father. It's the best job I've ever had," said Paul, who has chosen to be a stay-at-home dad. [... B]oth sets of the Butterfields' "in-laws" have offered them full family support. During their Salt Lake Metro interview, Paul's father, Buddy Redd--a gruff, old-fashioned man from a small town--was in their home for a visit, and gave his input: "That's my son. I love him. That's my son-in-law. I love him. Those are my grandkids. I love them," said Redd. [...] Tony believes that the unconditional love and support he's received from his family since his coming out has been a tremendous influence for good in his relationship. His mother, Bobbie Butterfield, along with many other family members, attends political events. "I tell everyone I have a gay son and that I'm proud of him and his family," said Bobbie, who considers Tony and Paul's relationship to be the strongest among the relationships of her eight children. "The gay community should look to them as an example and strive to have what they have. They had to overcome a lot of stigma, but it can be done. Gay people don't have to be promiscuous or have superficial relationships," she said. Bobbie Butterfield says that many of her children and 32 grandchildren are members of the LDS Church, which is well-known for its disapproval of gay relationships. Even so, none of them oppose Tony and Paul's family. "Who couldn't help but love Tony and Paul? I don't know how my LDS family members deal with the conflicts of belonging to a religion that discriminates against gay people. But they're loving and supportive and as a family it's never an issue. Gay or straight--if you have good morals a relationship is forever," said Bobbie. Tony believes that the strong familial support adds a healthy pressure to stay together. "The family support really sets the tone. You don't want to disappoint them. You have pressure that helps you stay strong. Our families don't want us to separate," he said. |
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