Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

Tony Butterfield and Paul Redd-Butterfield with their twin boys

Gays' offspring do fine, expert says
Support group hears findings at S.L. convention

Excerpted from the Deseret Morning News, 23 Oct 2004 © The Deseret Morning News

By Elaine Jarvik

The research - all the research - shows that the children of gay and lesbian parents turn out fine, says sociologist Judith Stacey.

Stacey, the co-author of a controversial mega-analysis of gay parenting research, spoke Friday to the national convention of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), which is meeting this weekend at the Little America Hotel. "It's amazingly brave and impressive of you to be holding your national conference in this place at this time," Stacey told the 400 attendees, referring to Utah's pending vote on a state amendment to outlaw same-sex marriages.

"There's no disagreement . . . that the quality of the parenting is at least as good" by same-sex parents as heterosexual parents, says Stacey, a professor at New York University. Opponents have to turn not to research but to "ideologues," she says, to shore up their case. "They've never been able to say there's any harm done. It's only lies, more lies and the lying liars who tell them."

Yes, some of the research indicates that the children of same-sex parents are different than children raised by heterosexual parents, Stacey reports. "But differences aren't problems."

One of those differences, she says, is that a "larger minority" of children raised by gay and lesbian parents "will not turn out to be heterosexual." This is the finding, she admits, that made her analysis "incendiary," but it's a finding that doesn't need apologizing for, she says.

What it means, she says, is that these children "will have freer opportunities to come to understand their desires and act on them, and that this is a good thing."

This is exactly the kind of finding that upsets people like Dr. Bill Maier, a child and family psychologist who is vice president of Focus on Family, based in Colorado Springs, Colo. Maier, contacted by phone on Friday, says he commends Stacey for being willing to say "these kids are not the same," but doesn't agree with her conclusions.

PFLAG, he argues, started as a support group for families of gay and lesbian children "but has been co-opted by the gay lobby. . . . My impression is that PFLAG is more interested in attaining their radical political goals than examining the research on homosexuality and what is best for human beings, both children and adults."

Stacey was joined Friday by two sets of same-sex parents. Anthony Butterfield and Paul Redd-Butterfield are the parents of 2-year-old twins Lucas and Liam. Chris Johnson and Lorie Hutchinson are the parents of 12-year-old Olivia.

"This is not a social experiment, this is our family," said Butterfield, who along with his partner is part of a group of about 50 same-sex parents who have activities once a month, most recently a Halloween party. "Radical gay agenda stuff," he added with a smile.

In a question-and-answer session after the panel discussion, Butterfield was asked whether he and his partner act as two fathers or "mother" and father. What his own mother does when she mothers "is not a function of her being a woman," he answered. "If our child falls down, it's not like we both say 'Get up!' We can 'mother.'"

Butterfield and Redd-Butterfield became parents via an egg donor and a separate surrogate mother. Sociologist Stacey noted that she recently attended a christening of surrogacy twins at a Catholic church in California. The older sister of these twins explained to her playmates that surrogacy is "when your mommy has a baby for two men."

"And the sky didn't fall," Butterfield interjected.