Gay Mormons Hold Mission Reunion and Fireside

by Brian Benington
October 2006

The Affirmation Salt Lake City Chapter held its semi-annual GLBTI Mission Reunion/Fireside in Salt Lake City on Sunday, October 1, 2006. According to organizer Duane Jennings, it was the group's 14th semi-annual event. It was attended by over 70 people, including GLBTI returned missionaries, their friends, and straight allies and supporters.

After a wonderful pot-luck dinner and Mission Reunion in the basement recreation center, the group re-surfaced to meet in the Metropolitan Community Church's chapel for a traditional fireside. In true Mormon-style, music was an important feature of the program. Kris Evans, a local singer and musician, did a wonderful job, performing introductory instrumentals on her guitar of "Come Out, Come Out," from The Wizard of Oz, and the Star Wars theme on her guitar. She followed this up with the songs, “C'mon Baby Let's Get Out of Town,” the Indigo Girls, and finally an instrumental version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Mike Green and his partner Scott Mills then graced us with a piano rendition of J.S. Bach's “Siciliano.”

Duane Jennings welcomed everyone to our fireside and gave a brief accounting of how Affirmation Salt Lake City's chapter came to host missionary reunions.

“We felt that it was something we needed,” he said, “because often, if we did tune into General Conference we felt like we were the enemy of the Church—and the state and the nation! ... So, that was the idea of coming together, celebrating mission experiences with our friends ... looking at what we learned that was helping us continue on with our life missions, and learning how we share and serve one another....”

Duane spoke of being raised in an LDS community, “...that didn't teach blind faith, but taught that ... the church was there to support, the scriptures were there to learn the past [and] that we were each called to personal accountability and a personal relationship with God.” He recalled that quotes such as Brigham Young's: “There is no true religion without true science...and there is not true science without true religion,” were a part of his spiritual education.

As Duane came out and reconciled his relationship with God, “and looked for community, and found and helped create and expand community,” he came to realize that “there are hundreds of thousands of gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, intersex and straight people who are working to build a faith community where love is, where commitment is, [and] where all are called to equal responsibility.” He continued, “I call that the 'true restoration,' or a 'true progressive theology,' a 'search for eternal truth,'” he said. “[T]hat's the whole process of what different societies have called creating the beloved community, 'Zion,' 'the pure in heart,' 'paradise' or 'nirvana.'”

He concluded: “We...have been working locally and nationally for a dozen years, working with people of other faiths to build each other in how I think God wants us to be as a faith community. My faith community is Mormon and with honest, searching people of faith from every other tradition around the world.”

SLC Chapter co-Director Brian Benington announced the remainder of the program, and suggested that all reflect upon two quotes from John J. McNeil, an opening gay Catholic priest and scholar:
...We must be prepared to “embrace ourselves as exiles.” We must be prepared to accept our exile state both within society and in the church. We must grieve gradually and let go of the desire “to belong” to all the institutions of this world. We must deepen our spiritual roots and our realization that, in our direct proportion to our exile status in this world, we belong in a deeper and more cosmic level to a community bound together by God's love and God's mercy.

We must “learn to drink from our own wells.” We must learn to place our trust in our own direct experience of life and what those experiences reveal to us. We must trust that God speaks immediately and directly through our own experiences and that those experiences are the only “unpolluted waters” from which we can drink. In the process of drinking from the well of our own experiences, we must try to relearn step by step to trust God and to trust what God is saying to us directly. This is the ancient Christian doctrine of “discernment of spirits.”
Off-Broadway actor Steven Fales (Confessions of a Mormon Boy) worshipfully sung The Lord's Prayer rewording it in opening, “Our Father and Mother, who are in heaven....”

Recently-dismissed BYU instructor Jeffrey Nielsen shared his thoughts on “Living a Moral Life,”followed by a question-and-answer period wherein he elaborated on his support for marriage equality; and SLC Chapter co-Director Craig Steiner gave closing remarks.

Particularly moving to many in attendance was Jeffrey Nielsen's refusal to keep silent on what he called a moral imperative: to speak his conscience regarding marriage equality, even when told not to do so by his local church leaders. He simply said “no” — he will not be silent. To date, no ecclesiastical action has been taken against Brother Nielsen. He said “If forced to choose, I would rather be your (GLBT) friends than a member of the Church.” His courage and integrity were inspiring to all in attendance.

Brother Nielsen (who now teaches classes at both Utah Valley State College in Orem and Westminster College in Salt Lake City) spoke of the need for “sympathetic joy” in our attitudes toward others, and being patient but very visible in our political and social involvement, letting others see our innate goodness. He said that when he wrote his now-famous editorial on same-sex marriage, he did not personally know any GLBTI people, but since then has met hundreds -— and learned that the correct lingo is “marriage equality,” rather than ”same-sex” marriage!

"I am ... persuaded both intellectually and emotionally," he said, "of the spiritual insight, the moral goodness, and the human decency that is in this community, and I want to challenge you ... along those lines."

Jeffrey has since been in debates with those who argue that allowing marriage equality will have a damaging effect on marriage and the social good--though they are never able to specify how it will damage it, nor what the social goods are that would be affected. Their arguments are always in the abstract. He believes that “...family, and marriage, and society would be so greatly strengthened by allowing committed gay and lesbian couples into marriage. And ... the LDS Church ... would experience a renaissance in its spirituality, that its wards and stakes would be so enhanced, if they were to allow gays and lesbians full faith and fellowship within the church.”

He challenged us to ask ourselves a question he often poses his students: What is it that confers moral quality onto a decision, an action, or a human life?

Aristotle, he said, suggested that it is the character of the person doing an act that gives it its moral character, while, on the other hand, St. Augustine proposed, “Love God and do what you want.” Professor Nielsen believes that “a person who is living a moral life is going to be expanding their moral community — [to include those] whose well being means as much as their own. A moral person is aware of their thoughts, words and deeds.”

Such a person's thoughts and expressions are dominated, he says, by what is described in the Buddhist tradition as “sympathetic joy”—where one is able to spontaneously rejoice at the success of others, or feel sorrowful at their failures—even when they are enemies. Correspondingly, Jeffrey suggested, graciousness should govern our words when debating those who oppose us, while compassion and loving kindness would be reflected in what we say.

He asked us to consider how compassion and graciousness are connected to religious belief, and suggested that sometimes religious belief can narrow our moral community and limit our actions.

While religious authority—hierarchy, leaders and institutions-attempts to tame God “[making] God safe for the consumption and preservation of the religious establishment,” he says, “[that] doesn't do much for individuals.” On the other hand, religious experience, Jeffrey feels, is where someone is grasped by God as a moral imperative, so that their whole existence is called into question-especially when they are confronted with the poor, the afflicted, the sick, and those who are downtrodden and unwanted—among whom Jeffrey includes GLBTI people.

Jeffrey spoke of experiences in his life, which have expanded his understanding of what it means to have a perfect love of all living beings, regardless of their circumstances. No judgments, no distinctions. Only a desire to serve humanity — to love one's neighbor as oneself. He pointed out that the lie of hierarchical religion is that we are separate from one another, that “authority” is more important than the individual. But true morality and true spirituality calls us to love and serve one another.

By virtue of our own experience of what it is like to suffer, of being rejected and condemned, people in the LGBTI community, says Nielson, “are in a unique position to challenge the status quo and demand social justice, not just for yourselves but for all who suffer.” “You have a special role to play,” he says, “in saving our families, our church, and maybe even our democracy. You must have courage to speak.”

Nielson suggested we reread Isaiah 53—a passage interpreted by Christians as a revelation of Christ's coming. Nielsen first reviewed how Jews interpret the passage as directed to themselves as despised captives in Babylon and then suggested that we juxtapose ourselves in the scripture in the light of our own disenfranchisement, and realize that God's saving power “looks like [the LGBTI community] in this day and age.” That we should consider Isaiah's words as a call to us to act for the salvation of humanity, and to live our lives, not shamefully, not in hiding-but in the present.

A question-and-answer session followed. Jeffrey was asked how to address people who stand in judgment of us. He said we should do so in love and power, with kindness, compassion and forgiveness. Power, in any setting, rests on cooperation. While silence is easier than dialogue, when people question, rather than silencing them the power needs to change. Stand for, rather than standing against something, when communicating with those who are negative. Be genuine; let people know who you are.

Closing Music included: Kris Evans, performing “Closer to Fine,” words and music by the Indigo Girls. Closing thoughts were shared by Craig Steiner. Craig thanked everyone for joining and especially those who shared. He stated, “everyone is a hero in your own journey. . . . We don't have equal rights, because we have been made to feel invisible. We must come together and be visible.” Craig reminded everyone and expressed his thanks to those who have struggled for Queer equality. He expressed thanks for the pioneering work of Harry Hay who fought for the right of GLBTI folks to gather together, without fear of prosecution in the United States.

“Listen to your inner voice,” Craig directed, “the one that sustained you when you thought you were the only queer person in the world.”

Steven Fales then followed up with a love-song medley of Rogers and Hammerstein songs which included "Some Enchanted Evening" from Cinderella and “We Kiss in a Shadow/I Have Dreamed” from The King and I. Once again Steven was accompanied on the piano by Scott Mills.

A Closing Hymn was sung; “Have I Done Any Good?” Ms. Pat Gamble-Hovey, a friend of Affirmation Salt Lake and an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ, whom we had invited, encouraged us to link hands in a prayer circle, where she led us in a stirring participatory benediction of supplication and gratitude.

The event was marked by the presence of a reporter from the local Fox-TV news affiliate, who later that evening ran a story about the gathering on Channel 13 News as part of its coverage of LDS General Conference.

Postlude Music was shared by Mike Green and Scott Mills who played Pioneer Hornpipe, arranged by David R. Naylor among other music. People lingered around afterwards in small group discussions and in the sharing of personal stories and struggles. Everyone left having been fed not only with food but with inspiring words, entertaining songs, and the warmth of fellowship. Some said later that it was the best Missionary Reunion-Fireside they had ever attended.

Until we meet again in celebration in six months: God be with you.




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