Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

Lani (center) and Robert Graves (holding award) with their son James, their daughter-in-law Martha, and their daughter Bonnie.

Lani and Robert Graves Receive “Faith in Action” Award
“Robert and Lani have severed as the loving, understanding, compassionate parents to thousands of gay people who did not find support from their own parents”

David Melson
March 2009

“When the religion of dogma or doctrine comes in conflict with the religion of love, then the choice should be obvious for the person of faith.” This came from Tony Award-winning actor Alan Cumming in remarks that he delivered March 21 to the Twelfth annual PFLAG Gala in Washington, D.C. Other speakers and honorees included West Hollywood Councilman and Equality California President John Duran, actor Cheyenne Jackson, and former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue and his wife Chandler. But by far the most applause, including four standing ovations, was offered to Affirmation members Robert and Lani Graves, who received the PFLAG “Faith in Action” Award for their work with PFLAG, Affirmation, and Family Fellowship. (Robert and Lani spoke at the 2007 Affirmation conference in Washington, and at the 2002 Conference in Las Vegas.)

In their introduction, it was pointed out that “Robert and Lani have severed as the loving, understanding, compassionate parents to thousands of gay people who did not find support from their own parents.” The Graves’ home has been the site of many Affirmation and Gamofite activities, including an annual Thanksgiving dinner that attracts Affirmation members from literally all over the United States.

In her acceptance speech, Lani, a former member of the Tabernacle Choir, spoke about how her only choice as a mother was to do all that she could to accept, love, and support her gay son, quoted the words of a Mormon hymn:

“Do what is right; the day-dawn is breaking,
Hailing a future of freedom and light.
Angels above us are silent notes taking
Of every action; then do what is right!

Do what is right; let the consequence follow,
Battle for freedom in spirit and might;
And with stout hearts look ye forth till tomorrow.
God will protect you; then do what is right!”

Sixth-generation Mormons, Robert and Lani resigned their membership in the LDS church following the Church’s actions surrounding Prop 8. The Graves were recently featured in the American Public Television broadcast, “Anyone and Everyone,” on PBS. Robert and Lani are members of Affirmation DC, and their son Kerry is a member of Affirmation San Francisco. Those of us at the event on Saturday join with all of Affirmation in saluting the Graves.