Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

James Morris

STAND UP!

by James Morris
March 2010

This is the first in a series of articles featuring stories of people who decided to STAND UP rather than being indifferent in the face of opposition. If you have an idea for a STAND UP article, please send me an email at www.affirmation.org/contact/hugo.

STAND UP! This is the theme of the Affirmation 2010 Conference. Sometimes to stand up is to participate in a large and loud public rally. Sometimes it is to draft and send a persuasive letter to the editor of a local paper. Or sometimes it takes form in the quiet resolve within one's heart to live a different way.

I remember when I was first trying to come to terms with my sexual orientation. I was back from my mission and living with my parents while resuming my college studies at Berkeley. My life was pretty much just centered around my education and my participation in the local Ward (I was a Sunday School teacher) and the local stake (where I was very involved in the Young Adult Program). I did very little dating, and if the subject of homosexuality came up I tried to be invisible or switch to another topic. The last thing I wanted was to expose my own inner conflict, or to be in the awkward position of defending a segment of society that my church had so publicly condemned.

At the time, my youngest brother was also living at home. One night at the dinner table, he launched into what had come up in his seminary class that morning. Of all things it was about a married man who had announced to his wife of many years that he was gay and that they needed to dissolve their marriage so he could move on with his life. This was somehow connected with the lesson topic of the last days, signs of the times, and the greater iniquities that were upon us in the latter days.

I continued to quietly eat my dinner, but the topic persisted. And now my parents and brother were talking about homosexuals who had committed suicide. Now I was very uncomfortable. My brother concluded, and my mother agreed, that the suicide victims were better off being dead than living a life as depraved homosexuals. Was this how they really felt? Did they know what they were saying? Would they really rather see me dead? These and other troubling thoughts boiled within until I could no longer keep silent. With all the calmness and clarity I could muster, I said I thought it was tragic that anyone should be so despondent as to take one's own life and how terrible it was for anyone to feel they had no one to turn to. No one should see suicide as the only out.

My brother and mother were quiet, as my father agreed with me. I was so very thankful to hear his words of support. Though I was years away from coming out as a gay man, I vowed to myself at that time to never remain silent when these issues surfaced again.

For our 2010 conference, we want to encourage group involvement and participation as we explore the many ways of standing up for what we believe in. I invite all Affinity readers to share with each other some of their personal moments of standing up.