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My Big Fat Gay Wedding

By Jim Butler

Weddings can be notorious for families behaving badly, and this one was heading right to a category 5. Ivan and I decided to have our ceremony in Hawaii, where people could come if they really wanted to, but we knew that the logistics of getting there would make it a small affair where we could focus on each other. We decided that we would sail to Hawaii from Vancouver and then have the ceremony on the beach in Maui. Then came the Canadian ruling on gay marriage, and as it turns out one of the two provinces issuing licenses was British Columbia. We thought, why not make it legal, and drove up on a day to apply for a marriage license. The process was quite easy. The only complication was that the forms still had Groom & Bride. (You will have to guess whose name went where!)

We paid the fee ($100) and faxed the form to a marriage commissioner we had previously made arrangements with. We then scouted out a bed and breakfast and also a beautiful spot in Stanley Park for the ceremony. The day came the following week, and we checked into the B&B with our three witnesses, Pat, Will, and Scott MacKay. We had a bachelor party of sorts that night in Vancouver, complete with dinner, dancing and a show at one of the clubs. The next morning we dressed and after breakfast headed to the Rhododendron Garden in Stanly Park.

The setting was like Eden, with the gentle sunlight finding its way through the plants, revealing an endless variety of green. The ceremony was quiet, beautiful, and in the end we all had tears, as Ivan and I sealed our love for each other with the full recognition of those around us and the government of Canada. Our friends took us to our ship, where we were met by many congratulations, even by the US immigrations officer as we boarded.

We had many adventures on the way over to Hawaii with what turned out to be a 30 or so gay folks who happened to also be on the cruise. We unofficially commandeered the Martini bar and the aft top sun deck, soon designated "Homo Heights." As the gay newlyweds, we were a bit of a novelty among the gay folks as well as the straights. We arrived in Maui to find Ivan's parents and my brother waiting for us, with a huge quantity of flowers and an arch which we set up at a small point of sand and trees reaching out into the Pacific. The scene was quite different this time under the palm trees with the waves and the wind. And this time we were surrounded by our family, as we held each other's hands and exchanged our vows, with tears again as the harpist played and sang the Hawaiian wedding song. It was truly a moving and wonderful ceremony. That night at the Luau they announced us with the rest of the weddings, and Ivan and I slowly danced and socialized with our family.

Some last remarks and advice for those who might also choose to marry. Do marry. It is our right as members of this society. Our marriage certificate sits now in our china cabinet alongside our other treasures. We see it every day, and it is a reminder to me how lucky I am to be married to the man I love, something that I never until recently imagined possible, yet the one thing I wanted more than anything. Try to keep things simple, and concentrate on what is important to you. Make it all about yourselves and not others. With that said, I don't think elopement is best, especially for gay folks. Celebrate your love with the others you love.