Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

Eric Ethington, left, with twin Sophia and partner Doug Okun with twin Elizabeth, are married at the San Francisco City Hall, February 13, 2004.

Returned Missionary, Dad, and Husband
Eric Ethington Finally Allowed to Marry His Partner

March 2004
Excerpted from <www.SFGate.com>

Their twin baby girls strapped to their chests, Noe Valley residents Doug Okun, 38, and Eric Ethington, 37, went to City Hall on Feb. 13 to confirm what they already knew in their hearts: They were mates for life. And, by virtue of the sheer adorableness of their family and the presence of many photographers, they became international symbols of gay parenting. Publications from Newsweek to Italian Vanity Fair featured the mediagenic quartet, who have handled the sudden fame with laughter and a shrug of the shoulders. After all, Okun and Ethington, both financial professionals, have their hands full changing diapers. While they chat, they bounce 4-month-old Sophia and Elizabeth on their knees and walk the room with the babies, swaying when they fuss -- as parents have done through all time.

Eric Ethington:

We could not have had more different backgrounds. I was raised Mormon on a farm in Idaho, and [Doug] was raised in a Jewish suburb of Boston. Once I left home at 18, I have not been back. But I thank my Mormon upbringing for my values of family and children. And getting together with Doug is not as far-fetched as you might seem. We both have the "persecuted religious minority" complex (laughs). And there are definitely some parallels.

I came out to myself when I was on a Mormon mission in Korea. "I don't believe any of this, and I'm gay." I came out to my parents after college. They were not surprised because my sister had told them years before that she thought I might be gay. They handled it OK at the time, and then cried for a week. It's been a hard journey for them. Life had not prepared them for this.

But they have come around 180 degrees. After the babies were born, they stayed with us for a week. They now ask about Doug, and talk to him and include him in the holiday card.

But we have not heard from one person in my family about our wedding, except my nephew's wife, who is in Provo, Utah right now. She called and asked, "Do you guys want a copy of the Sunday paper here because you made the front page!" But I have not heard from anyone in my immediate family. I know they read Newsweek, so they have to have seen pictures. I have heard it's caused a little uproar, but you know something? Life's too short, I don't want to deal with it.

It's been interesting to see how the gay community is embracing parenting. I mean, our lesbian sisters have about a 20-year jump on us. But we're catching up! It's been great, in the wake of the wedding and the photo, to hear from younger gay men who see what we have and say, we want that, too! I feel like we're a role model for them, which is something we didn't have.

We didn't have to discuss getting married at City Hall, we just did it. It wasn't about the politics, or the civil disobedience, or the social activism. Of course, we are also proud to be part of the political and cultural movement it represents -- that is huge. But it was not the reason we did it. It was about our love for each other and our love for our family.