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Women's Voices

Letters

Coming Out Letter

September, 1998
By Allison

Dear Mom and Dad:

I want you to know how much I love you both and all the wonderful grandchildren. I also want you to know how terribly lonely, isolated and tired I am. I have am/have been carrying around a burden since I was a teenager and I cannot do it alone anymore. The enclosed manuscript is a testament to what I am saying.

My desires to move to Utah stem from the awareness that I am slowly dying a spiritual death here in New England. Separated from my family, away from a community, especially an LDS community who will accept me, all of me - I am decaying. I need to be in an environment of love and support where I can embrace my values and meet other people who share them. I have not achieved that here.

I have a very strong testimony of my spiritual upbringing, Mormonism, that has only gotten stronger as I grow older and wiser. In my line of work I am faced with this world's most frustrating and perplexing issues - the cruelty that exists with our mortal existence. Poverty, violence, AIDS, child abuse, bigotry, and hatred of other human beings unparalleled. You know my line of work. Yet it is to my faith and my God I seek solace and meaning. I have NEVER been disappointed when I have. My testimony has only crystallized as I have gotten older.

Yet it is time for me to be open and candidly speak. I am faced with a seemingly rereconciliable dilemma. I am a homosexual who is also LDS? What do I do? My spiritual and family center has been shaped and carefully molded since before this existence and here on this earth.

Now there is another way - I have much healing to do and spiritual growth - my same sex orientation is a part of who I am and that process This is something that I "cannot cure" its not an illness. Yes, I can make choices about how I conduct aspects of my life, but whatever choices I make, I only ask that you accept that part of me - if I choose to be alone the rest of my life or if I decide to seek out a mate, preferably someone with an LDS orientation, athletic, good sense of humor, and loves family as much as I do (intellectual too!). I hope you can also accept this decision. I ask you not to be ashamed of me - not be embarrassed around others. I'm a good person, I try to be honest, caring, compassionate, and now open, about all of me. But I need you backing. This society is very cruel, especially when it comes to race and homosexuality. I had the fortunate genes to be White, but I have to accept that I am not like a lot of others with respect to my orientation.

I never have wanted to leave the Church, and here is a way I can stay attached - with this broader fellowship of LDS families. I have always been a problem solver - looking for solutions, and working with an LDS community on these matters, people who are putting a Christ-like approach at the center of their service accompanied by science, religion, common sense, and unconditional love together - to find solutions,and help families reunify. I believe this is the winning ticket. I cannot be a full member of the Church right now unless I "don't ask, don't tell" - but I am being honest with myself and my Heavenly Parents. I do not know what my future will bring, but I do know this is the right thing for me to do. I am tired of going at it alone, and I ask you to join me.

Love

Allison