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George Cole

Opening Hearts and Minds
"I feel that I can open hearts and minds, and make life better for the Saints, queer and not”

by George Cole

This is the fifth in a series of articles featuring the voices of Affirmation. If you are interested in having your voice featured here, please contact Olin Thomas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/ex_dir.

I made first contact with Affirmation about the time I stopped attending church in January of 2002. After years of checking in at the website, I finally reached out to someone. Jason Giles came and picked me up from my low-quality, high-rent apartment in Northeast Portland and drove us to 3 Friends Coffeehouse, where we talked about being gay, the church, and life in general. Without such a positive first meeting I might never have gotten involved, and quite possibly Jason is the only person who could have introduced my awkward 20-year-old self to Affirmation and somehow given me reason to come back. At the time I could only see Affirmation as some weird apostate group, to be avoided at best. But I suppose I wanted some connection to the faith my parents taught me, and to the culture I grew in.

For a long time my involvement in Affirmation was only off and on, mostly when my evening work schedule allowed. This only changed in increments, starting with my first activity, a vigil outside the Portland Temple during Suicide Prevention Week; to my first conference, Salt Lake City in 2003; to serving with Jason as co-leader of the Portland Chapter and co-chairing the 2006 conference in Portland. Somewhere in there, my outlook changed. Affirmation wasn't just about spending time with people who understood where I came from: Affirmation became my way to make life better for other people. To paraphrase the Eagle Scout Oath, due to who I am because of Affirmation, I want to give back more to it than it has given to me.

This really began for me at that first conference, attending workshops aimed at understanding queer youth and young adults. That was me! It still is, in fact. (I hope that in years to come I will still look like a young adult, but I suppose that may be out of my control, no matter how much moisturizer I use.) I returned from that conference wanting to make life better specifically for other queer LDS young adults. Those efforts went nowhere, but some things must wait for the right time. In the years between then and now I've learned how better to serve my chapter and Affirmation in general, both ongoing processes. One day I might even figure out how to do those.

Now things have come around to where I started. The executive committee recently asked me to chair an ad hoc committee of and for young adults. Naturally, I said yes. Early discussion with Dave Melson about how to do this effectively—especially about how to bring more young people into Affirmation—prompted this from him: he informed me that I have a sense of ownership in Affirmation. I think that's true. I care about the people in it. I care about how we are treated by the church, collectively and individually. I care about all the good Saints, straight and not, who fail to love and support each other as Christ intended us to.

I suppose I'd feel that way without Affirmation, but it is due to Affirmation that I feel I have a means to make a real change in Mormon culture, which I still love dearly. Leading up to my excommunication in September 2003 my mind went through endless scenarios about how I would address the brethren assembled to judge me. They all ended like this: "I wish that this would have happened back where I grew up, with people who had known me my entire life, so it would have a greater effect on them." From the looks on a few faces, that sentiment made some small differences in that high council in Portland I hardly knew. Now, though Affirmation, I feel like I can make that difference—and not just in the lives of people I know, who are close to me: I feel that I can open hearts and minds, and make life better for the Saints, queer and not.

I owe this feeling and drive for positive change to the people reading this, who keep bringing me back to Affirmation. You are my hope and inspiration that the good Mormon people will become better people. I'm certainly better because of you.