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Affirmation Suicide Vigils

2001 Affirmation Vigil in Portland

May, 2001

The Portland chapter of Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons welcomed friends and family to a special interfaith candlelight vigil dedicated to those who have lost their lives to suicide as a result of antigay pressures. The vigil was one of many vigils Affirmation held around the country as the opening event in Affirmation's "No More Deaths, No More Silence" campaign. The vigils were planned to coincide with National Suicide Prevention Week, May 6 - 12. They provided a public opportunity to mourn the tragic loss of so many friends and family members and draw attention to social problems and religious teachings that contribute to such suicides.

The Portland vigil took place just outside the entrance to the Mormon temple grounds in Lake Oswego, Oregon. As we arrived to set up, we were met by a pair of church security guards who made it plain that we were unwelcome and unwanted. Their sole purpose in approaching us was to alert us to the fact that the orange traffic cones that had been set up on the sidewalks on each side of the street marked the line between church property and public property. They stated in a matter of fact tone that if anyone crossed the invisible line they would call the police immediately. Not surprised by this lack of hospitality, we were also undeterred. After all, the need for the vigil itself was in large part the result of this kind of hostility and rejection from the church. Furthermore, it was important for us to be next to the temple to highlight the fact that the Mormon leadership has proclaimed itself the leader in the campaign against gay civil and religious equality, relying on its extensive public relations network and massive financial resources to spread its message of intolerance. Our purpose was to offer a visible, alternative message of hope and solace in response to the damaging power of antigay religious teachings and the immense personal toll that such teachings take on our friends and families.

The candlelight vigils, while inclusive of all suicide victims, were especially dedicated to the memory of Stuart Matis, Brian "DJ" Thompson and Clay Whitmer, three young gay Mormon men who lost their lives through suicide last year. Their deaths were tragic acts of despair following in the wake of the Mormon leadership's prominent role in opposing equal rights for gays in California.

Each vigil shared common elements, including speakers, songs, and a reading of the names of gays and lesbians who ended their lives because of antigay hostility. Organizations providing speakers included the American Friends Service Committee, Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians (PFLAG), the United Church of Christ, Soulforce, and Gay Mormon Fathers (Gamofites).

Ron Bloodworth, Director of the State of Oregon's Office for Youth Suicide Prevention reminded us that suicide was the second leading cause of death for young people in Oregon and is a serious public health problem elsewhere too. Dan Stutesman, of the American Friends Service Committee, a Quaker social change organization, pointed out that very little positive change has occurred for gays and lesbians in our churches, despite some small movement forward. He reminded us that despite this failure, we must affirm we ourselves are gifts from God and work for the day when all our gifts, including our sexuality, are welcomed and celebrated. Doris Wood, a mother from Seattle, also spoke about the loss of her son, who committed suicide after finding only hostility and rejection, including from his own church.

This attitude was shockingly demonstrated for everyone as a van leaving the temple loaded with white shirt-and-tie-clad young men who had just concluded baptisms for the dead passed the vigil and one of them yelled an ugly swear word at our group of about 50 guests. That hate can so easily come from the mouths of our youth is an indication of how successful the actions of our church leadership has been at inspiring this hatred, in spite of their rhetoric to the contrary. It is also an indication of how necessary a change is in the direction of the anti-gay campaign of the church. Hate is the natural outcome from these kinds of misguided teachings.

At the conclusion of the service, participants shared the names of loved ones and lit a candle for each victim in their memory. In the darkness, the shared candle lights reminded each participant that no matter how strong the opposition and sense of despair, we can be the light of hope that helps prevent the tragedy of suicide from occurring.

Affirmation has created a special web page containing an online memorial remembering the gay and lesbian victims of suicide at http://www.affirmation.org/suicides/suicides.shmtl. Affirmation invites visitors to the site to submit additional information regarding these and others who have lost their lives to suicide so that their names and memory are kept alive.