Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

The Role of Personal Revelation

By Paul Mortensen
Affinity 20:5 [May 1998]

Recently in an Affirmation home evening we discussed how we, as Gay LDS people, must adjust some Church teachings to the realities we know as homosexuals. One of those areas we must come to grips with is revelation.

I distinctly remember as I grew up in the Church, we had Sunday School and Priesthood lessons on the importance of determining the truth for ourselves. We were told over and over that we should listen to the Church leaders and then pray to come to an understanding of the truth for ourselves. There has, however, been a marked trend in the Church in recent years toward the belief in "infallibility." I hear more and more that the Prophet cannot be wrong and so there is no need to question what he has said. This trend has culminated with the addition to the Doctrine & Covenants in 1980 in the following statement:

"The Lord will not permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray." (page 292 of the D&C excerpts from three addresses by President Wilford Woodruff regarding the Manifesto)

This seems to be in marked contrast to what Brigham Young said in the Journal of Discourses:

"Suppose that the people were headless, that they manifested no concern with regard to the things of the Kingdom of God, but threw the whole burden upon the leaders of the people saying 'If the brethren who take charge of matters are satisfied, we are.' This not pleasing in the sight of the Lord."

As a homosexual who finds my life in marked contrast to some of the direction from the leaders, I have had to make some adjustments in my understanding of what they say. I have come to the conclusion that the only "true" revelation for guiding MY life is personal revelation. Let me explain. Counsel, direction and revelation from the Church leaders does not become true for the individual until it has been confirmed by the Holy Ghost to the individual. But, you say, such an idea would produce chaos in the Church. If each person interprets the leaders' words for him/herself and his or her own circumstances there would be intolerable diversity in the Church. Is diversity intolerable?

It is inconceivable to me that the Lord would give one set of rules that apply equally to all of mankind. It seems such a contradiction to His creation. If I have discovered one thing from this magnificent creation of God that we call earth, it is its incredible diversity. Consider the fact that no two people have been created alike. The diversity in nature is beyond imagination. Plant and animal life on earth are countless in their variety. It is clear to me that God is telling us something here. We are not clones! Then how, amidst all this diversity, can we expect directions from Him to apply in the same identical way to everyone! Why, then, personal revelation? We don't seem to be learning the great lesson of his creation. Somewhere along the line we have come to believe that He expects us all to achieve identical results from identical rules. It is a contradiction that defies logic! I have come to be comfortable with the idea that God can tell me one thing and another person something different for their situation. That is entirely consistent with His creation.

Understanding this great lesson from God, I have been able to lead my life as a homosexual and still believe in the Gospel and the prophets who counsel us. When the Prophet says that homosexuality is wrong, for him it indeed is wrong! It is also wrong for my mother. They are heterosexuals, created different from me, and for them homosexuality would be unnatural (wrong if you will). For me, as a homosexual from the preexistence, heterosexuality is unnatural. It becomes a matter of listening to the Prophet and interpreting his words in the concept of who you are and how it applies to you as a unique individual. And, of course, the same idea can be applied to all the prophets' words. I am sure that for most people in the Church, such an idea would be considered heresy. Many would say that this is just a rationalization to justify my life. Indeed it is! As a homosexual, I have been forced to try to understand this contradiction between what the Church leaders say I am and who I know I am!

I am not saying the Church is wrong or the Prophet is misguided. I love the Church, cherish the Gospel and believe the Prophet is a great man of God. But I am me and I am different from the Prophet and from everyone else. I am unique. When God speaks (whether through President Kimball, my bishop, or through Albert Einstein) I must translate that revelation to my unique set of circumstances. I must get confirmation from God that this applies to me. And (this is very important) once that personal confirmation or revelation has been received, I had better follow it. The biggest problem with this concept is that it places tremendous responsibility on us for taking charge of our own lives. Brigham Young seemed to think that was important. This concept also requires that we be in touch with God. if revelation doesn't become valid for us until we receive it ourselves, we had best be in tune to receive it. But remember that achieving salvation and exaltation was never going to be easy.

This contradiction between what I am and what the leaders say I am remains a huge stumbling block for my family. On one hand they hear the leaders say homosexuality is wrong and not in God's plan, and on the other they see me as having been created this way (not by choice) and definitely somewhere in God's plan. I hope that we can resolve it through prayer and personal revelation. This is also something every Gay Mormon has to resolve. I hope that they can come to understand that God speaks to us all in a unique way for our unique and different lives. It is, after all, the same God with the same concerns for our returning to Him-albeit different paths. I thank God that He still guides me and directs me. I thank Him for bring me to an understanding that I can be a homosexual, I can be different, and I can still live the Gospel and return to His presence.